I'm in love with my beautiful 13 year old cousin.

I know I am wrong. I am 28, and my feelings for my 13 year old cousin are disgusting and I know it's wrong. <br><br>I am from New Zealand and I recently went to visit my family who live in California, it was great seeing everyone again and it was great being in America, I stayed for 7 weeks. I have known my cousin since we were kids, and she was never that fussed when I was around, but this time something was different. I could tell she liked me, and I couldn't control my feelings, I found myself looking at her more and more, I noticed how beautiful she is, she has long straight black hair and the most beautiful blue eyes, she was wearing the cutest outfits and looking so gorgeous each time I saw her. I felt myself getting more and more attracted to her each time I saw her, I felt like a creep when I couldn't control my feelings and I could hear my inner voice telling me what I was feeling was disgusting. Despite knowing it's wrong, I carried on looking at her, I'd find any excuse to go and see her, I'd ask my cousin if she's doing anything, if she says she's just going to her room to do homework on her laptop I'd find a way to call my parents home number and say I can't stay at theirs because I don't feel very well, so they'd have to come and get me, this would give me an excuse to go home and see her. I'd knock the bell and she'd come outside, look all cute and then let me in, I'd tell her my parents have left to come and get me so we'd wait together in the garden, talking and laughing and just enjoying each other's company, we talked about lots of things, but I could always tell she wanted me to ask her about herself, which I did and she told me she mowed her lawn this morning and did her homework last night. If she says she's going to her grandparents house, I'd stay at my cousins house, the one I was staying with, and she'd text me and ask if I'm staying at my cousins, I'd lie and text her back saying yes, then she'd text me and ask what I'm doing, I'd text her back and say I'm sleeping, then she'd text ask if I want to chat on the phone, and I'd text yes, we'd talk on the phone for a while, she always talked more than me, she's always been a very chatty person, but I loved listening to her voice down the phone, I couldn't get enough of it, it was like music to my ears. If she asked what we should talk about, I'd always say anything else than her, which would make her laugh and then she'd ask a question, I couldn't always think of something to say, but I'd always come up with something in the end. She'd sometimes ask me if I missed her, and she'd always sound joking when she asked, but deep down I know she was serious. Whenever I saw her, I could always tell she was flustered, but I couldn't tell if that was due to the fact she didn't want me to know how she felt, or if it was something else. One night, I was staying at my cousin's house and she texted asking what I was doing, I texted back saying I was in pain and needed help, so she asked what sort of pain, I then said my stomach, so she said she'd come and see me, but I said no as I didn't want her to see me looking weak, so she asked why and I said no again, she then asked if I was just making excuses so she could see her and I texted back yes, I couldn't resist the temptation of seeing her. She texted back saying she'll be round in 10 minutes and she hung up. 10 minutes later I heard the door open and she said hello, I was downstairs and I pretended not to have heard her so she said hello again and I then said hello and she came downstairs and I couldn't take my eyes off of her, I was standing there looking at her like a creep. She had a big smile on her face, then she asked why I texted her I was in pain, I told her I made it all up because I just wanted to see her, she smiled and said that's so sweet, but I told her I didn't feel anything for her like that, but she then said that's okay, she wouldn't want me to feel like that anyway, I thanked her and she went back upstairs, and I left 10 minutes later after she'd gone back upstairs. She'd always ask me to come and pick her up if she went to her grandmas, so one day she texted me asking if I could pick her up, but I texted back saying I'm not feeling very well so I can't drive, so she texted back asking what's wrong, I said my stomach, she asked if I wanted her to get me something to help with my pain, I texted back saying yes, she then asked me what I wanted me to get for you and I said chocolate, she texted back saying okay, and I told her she didn't have to get me any, but she said she wanted to, she then texted me a smiley with a heart eyes, I texted back saying okay, but she then asked what time I'd be round, I told her I didn't know, she then texted back asking for 3 pm, I said yes and she said that was great and she hung up.<br><br>I've never felt this way about a girl before, and I never knew I'd be this attracted to a little girl. I know I shouldn't feel the way I do, but I couldn't control myself. She's so gorgeous and cute, I couldn't get enough of her, I'd have done anything to have got my hands on her, anything to have made out with her, anything to have hurt her, I was so consumed by lust.<br><br>I returned home yesterday and haven't seen her since, and it feels so strange not seeing her everyday. I miss her so much, but I know I can't see her again, it's wrong, I know it is, I need to forget about her.