I was raped when I was 17 by my teacher and nobody believed me.

This happened 5 years ago when I was in my last year of highschool. I had a crush on one of my teachers. He was our maths teacher and was around 30. I thought he was nice and always made an effort to make sure I was ok since I had a disability and found maths hard.<br><br>He started asking me to stay after lessons so he could help me study. He would tell me how he remembered my dad (my dad died when I was young) and wanted to help me. Eventually he would ask me to come after school and he would take me to the classroom he taught in and he would teach me maths. Sometimes he would buy me food and take me to the park.<br><br>Eventually he asked if I would stay late after school and work with him on some files he had to do. I agreed. He would tell me I had to help him with the files but then he would just lay on the floor with me and hold me.<br><br>I didn’t want to lose my favourite teacher so I didn’t complained. I didn’t know I was being abused. <br><br>But one day when I was 17, he asked me to come in after school so we could work on a maths problem. It was the last day before the Christmas holidays so I was alone with him. He said he wanted to prove I could do the problem but he made me sit on his desk and then he went for a delivery. When we were alone, he forced himself on me. He raped me. <br><br>I never said anything. I was scared I wouldn’t be believed. I didn’t tell my parents. I thought it was my fault. It was the holidays so he wasn’t at school and I tried to forget it had happened.<br><br>When I started my first term of sixth form I felt unwell. I had mental health problems and my anxiety was so bad I had to go to therapy and I was signed off school. <br><br>I told my therapy all of this. I told her I thought it was why I was so unwell and that I had never said anything and that I felt like it was my fault. <br><br>My therapist thought it might be why I was so unwell and she said she believed me. She said it was never your fault. She helped me realise I hadn’t done anything to cause it. <br><br>I never told anybody else and I thought I would never get better. But I did. After a year I was allowed back at college. But my mental health struggles never stopped. <br><br>It feels like it was only yesterday when it happened and it feels like a lifetime ago. I haven’t told anybody this before and I’m telling you guys today because I’m in therapy again. I’ve come a long way since I was 17 but it still feels like a heavy burden to carry.<br><br>I wanted to tell people but it feels like I can only talk to my therapist about it.