My [26M] girlfriend [24F] of 18 months is obsessed with her ex husband. How do I get her to stop?

My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for 18 months. I love her so much. She’s beautiful, smart, has a good sense of humour … I could go on and on. I was thinking about proposing in the next year.<br><br>The problem is that she’s obsessed with her ex husband. They were married when they were young and then broke up a few years ago. They couldn’t make it work. But she still is obsessed with him. She keeps mementos from him all over the house, she keeps talking about him, comparing him to me (I’m not complaining about this) and she is just SO fixated on him.<br><br>I’m not stupid though. I understand that she hasn’t worked through all her feelings. I’ve been so patient with her. I’ve let her work through her feelings, been a good listener and I’ve been a good boyfriend. I haven’t complained at all, because I want her to be happy.<br><br>But now, I don’t know what else I can do. The other day, I tried to talk to her about our future together, and she shut me down. She said she can’t think about marriage until she’s over her ex and she’s still got a lot of work to do.<br><br>I’m fucking done with this. I’m not going to be put on the back burner anymore. I love her so much, but I need to be the focus of her attention. I’ve been patient for over a year. I want our relationship to be number one in her life, not her ex. What can I do to help her move on from him?<br><br>EDIT 1: First of all, thanks for all the help and advice and stuff. I didn’t expect this to blow up. <br><br>From reading a few of the comments I feel like I need to clarify a few things. There is no contact between her and her ex (I’ll call him cause I’m getting sick of saying “her ex” and my gf as her). She’s friendly with his sister and mother, and she was emphatic that she wanted to remain friends with them once she and cause were broken up. I also understand that she didn’t work through all her feelings for cause over the course of their 1 year separation. I came into the picture 6 months after the divorce was finalized. <br><br>I understand that her feeling of guilt regarding the failure of her marriage is the issue here. She told me that she went to therapy for a short time after the divorce, but she said it wasn’t really helping and she just gave up. I encouraged her to go back to therapy, but she said she was too dangerous for therapy, she had too many skeletons in her closet. So, she refuses therapy and any kind of self-reflection and instead focuses all her energy on material goods as a way to cope with her unhappiness, which I encouraged because I thought it would help her get through her trauma. <br><br>Lastly, people keep commenting that she’s stuck in the past. She’s not. She’s just obsessed with cause. She talks a lot about their relationship, but it’s always about how good it was, or how hot cause is, how good looking cause is, how charming cause is, how talented cause is, how funny cause is, how good cause is in bed, how good of a cook cause is, how good of a musician cause is, how good cause is at long distance running, how good cause is at video games, how good cause is at art. She’s obsessed with him. And, I would just like to say that I’m not angry at her. I’m just concerned. I’m afraid of losing her and if there’s anything I can do to help her work through her feelings, I want to do it. <br><br>Ok so I just got home and my girlfriend isn’t there. I called her and she said she’s at her ex mother’s place. So, I asked her what she was doing. And she was like “I’m helping my ex mother’s boyfriend set up his phone because he’s elderly.” So, I asked her why she was doing that. Why doesn’t he have his grandkids do it? And why does he need help setting up his phone? He’s a professor (I think) and he’s pretty smart. So, she was like “oh, make absolute sure you’re home by 8 or I won’t have dinner made.” Then she hung up the phone. <br><br>I’m going to go pick her up and talk to her. I’ll post an update once I do. Thanks again for all your help and advice. <br><br>EDIT 2: Okay so I have a few minutes before I head to pick her up. I just wanted to update. I’m going to talk to her about this, and I’m going to bring up therapy. <br><br>Because I feel like I need to, I just want to clear up a few things in regards to my previous edit. <br><br>1: Yes, she blocked me. When I see her I’m going to ask that she unblock me. If she won’t, then I’m going to end it. <br><br>2: I asked why she needed to help her ex father in law set up his phone because I want to see if lie. I want to see if she’s going to change her story. If she’s going to admit to me that she’s actually seeing cause, then I’ll leave her. Plain and simple. <br><br>3: I know that I’m acting like I’m perfect in this whole thing. But I’m not. I should have ended it a long time ago. I should have been more forceful about her going to therapy. I’m a perfect example of the saying “you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.” I also should have put more pressure on her to get rid of the mementos she kept. I should have put more pressure on her to stop comparing me to cause. But I didn’t. <br><br>4: I know a few people commented that it’s strange that I don’t do any chores. My girlfriend does all the chores because she refuses to let me help. I offered to help plenty of times. I would happily do all the housework for her if she would just let me. But she won’t let me. And, I’m not complaining. I don’t mind that she does all the housework. <br><br>5: I’m sorry for how wordy and long my edits have been. I just feel like I need to clear up a lot of stuff and I tend to ramble. <br><br>6: Thank you all for your help. I appreciate all your advice. I’m going to go pick her up. I’ll probably post an update on a new post because this one is getting too long.