I didn't believe my son

I’m ashamed. I didn’t believe my son when he told me he was raped.<br><br>His senior year of high school his class went on a trip to Washington DC. He was 17 at the time and wanted to go so badly. This trip was a big deal. So we scraped and saved and made it happen. On the second day of the trip he was supposed to meet up with his friends at an exhibit. When he got there his friends had left to get lunch. He didn’t want to miss out on the exhibit so he decided to wait. He told me that as he was standing there he felt someone stand extremely close behind him. He tried to move away but it was too close and he felt a man’s erection against his butt. <br><br>The man behind him started grinding into him and my son tried to get away but the man grabbed his hips and held him in place. My son was in shock and scared, so he just kind of froze up. After a few minutes the man left and my son thought that was it and walked away to meet his friends at the restaurant. <br><br>Just as he walked into the restaurant he said he saw the same man from the exhibit walk over to him and pull his pants down and shove his penis in his ass. I heard a man in the background shout and the man who was attacking my son shoved him into a wall and ran out of the restaurant. <br><br>My son said he was so humiliated. He was so embarrassed, especially because there were people crying and shouting after they saw what had happened. He knew it would get back to his friends and he didn’t know what to do so he ran from the restaurant and hid in an alley way to cry.<br><br>His friends found him and he didn’t want to tell them what had happened. He didn’t know how his friends would react. All he knew was he didn’t want the whole world to know he had just been raped. He told them he wasn’t feeling good and needed to go back to the hotel. His friends insisted on going with him to make sure he was okay and when they got to the hotel, my son broke down crying. <br><br>At first my son wouldn’t tell his friends but they were persistent and said that they needed to know what was wrong so they could help him. My son finally broke down and told them what had happened. My son said his friends looked horrified but they were so supportive and cared for him. They stayed with him until the group was ready to leave the next day.<br><br>When they got back home my son didn’t tell anyone in the family what had happened. He just told his friends he wasn’t feeling good and needed to go to bed. My son said for a week he didn’t get out of bed. He was so humiliated and in so much pain. He said he couldn’t look at himself in the mirror. He said he felt disgusting, filthy, and worthless. He wanted to die.<br><br>It wasn’t until I saw something was wrong and asked him what was wrong and he finally broke down crying to me and told me what happened. <br><br>I was so stupid and I hurt my son with my words. I asked him “are you sure this didn’t happen because you sent the wrong signals. You know you can come across as a little feminine”. <br><br>My son didn’t say anything but started crying more. I pushed his head to my shoulder to try to comfort him and told him it would be okay. <br><br>He kept pushing me away and started cussing and shouting at me. I didn’t know what to do. He shouted at me so many times, so many horrible things and I knew he hated me. I didn’t know what to do so I just left him alone. <br><br>For two weeks after that he wouldn’t come out of his room. If I tried to talk to him, he would explode in anger and shout at me. I noticed changes in him, he stopped combing his hair and had black rings around his eyes. One night I walked into his room looking for his phone charger and he was so skinny, but he looked so much bigger because of how swollen his stomach was. I found empty bottles of liquor and a shopping bag full of empty fast food containers. I tried to talk to him but he didn’t answer me. <br><br>I knew I needed help so I finally talked to my husband and told him everything. My husband came home and talked with my son and when he was done talking to my son, he was so angry. He said he couldn’t believe I didn’t believe my son when he confided in me. My husband said he couldn’t believe how horrible I treated my son after he told me he had been raped. My husband said he was ashamed of me and wanted a divorce.<br><br>My son got therapy and treatment but it’s been 11 years and I still haven’t gotten forgiveness from my son. My husband and I are still together but my husband barely talks to me. <br><br>I feel so much regret and I wish I could go back. I wish I had just listened to my son and believed him when he confided in me.