Can't believe I got through my observation

I teach 7th grade English in a school with a very diverse, low-income population. We have to do these formal "observations" where an administrator comes in and watches a lesson for fifteen to twenty minutes, then gives you written and verbal feedback.<br><br>I see these as evaluations of our instructional practices, though they're not officially called that because many are from peer administrators as opposed to department chair administration.<br><br>Observations never bothered me (the ones I've had in other schools focused more on the interpersonal, and I have great relationships with kids and my superiors) until I got to my current school. I was really thrown for a loop by the level of need I saw in our kids (and by need, I mean need for assistance, care, behavior modification. Kids are great, but they've grown up in poverty and probably been through trauma and have come to school without many of the skills that kids from more affluent backgrounds bring to school.) <br><br>Anyway, the first time I got observed this year, my admin told me I was relying too heavily on technology and the kids were just passively sitting there, and I needed to work on engagement.<br><br>I made some changes and she came back and said I was relying too much on "tracking" and the kids needed to work independently more. I made some changes. The next time she said I was relying too heavily on the textbook and the kids needed to have more outlets for creativity. That was a tough one, because I didn't expect to have to defend the textbook, which I love. <br><br>She'd also tried to put my methods up against those of a few colleagues, and I could't help but notice these teachers were experienced, veteran teachers. <br><br>Some of these comments I agreed with, but I also felt like I had to justify them. (Especially the textbook stuff, which I think is a really good program, and the fact that I'm an experienced literacy educator who knows what works.) <br><br>I tried to incorporate more individuality and creativity, but the kids who were book-smart were doing great and the kids who needed a lot of scaffold and support were really struggling. I was getting really stressed. <br><br>I also didn't like the feeling she was giving me that I was a novice teacher and not an experienced teacher who had been doing this for a long time, who I had confidently stepped into my classroom to teach kids.<br><br>I just felt like I was being evaluated against critical areas of instruction. I could see my class wasn't functioning as well as it had before I made some of these changes. I'd have kids who weren't doing the work because it was boring or easy, and kids who were lost and distracted. I just couldn't believe how stressed I was, and how lost I felt. I had a few meetings with my admin, but it felt like she didn't really have any answers for me. <br><br>I got to school today at 6:30 and started brainstorming, just going over everything I knew about teaching, what had worked in the past. I somehow realized this whole time I was thinking too much about the observation, and not enough about the kids. <br><br>So I went back to the basics. I did my usual teaching, and guess what? It worked! The kids were engaged and getting the lesson. I even had a few kids come up to me and say, "I like this lesson!" "You're the best teacher I've ever had!" This is not how my kids behave. I've had a lot of kids say that to me before, but not to me, not in this school. It really put things in focus. <br><br>I felt so confident, like myself. Guess what? The admin came by for the observation, and about fifteen minutes after she left, she walked back in and said, "Excellent job on that lesson. I like the way you presented it and the way the kids were responding. You had great engagement!"<br><br>I could have cried. I felt so happy. I didn't even care that I got a good evaluation, I just loved the way I felt. I felt like I was being true to who I am as a teacher. I felt like I was being the best teacher I could be for kids, and like my kids were getting the best possible instruction, and like I had control over what was happening in my classroom. <br><br>I know this sounds weird, but I feel like I've taken a few steps back and gained a better perspective. I've really moved past the observation mindset and I'm thinking more about what the kids need and how I can best meet their needs. <br><br>I do think the experience was helpful, but it was also really hard and really stressful. I'm glad it's over!