How I got blackpilled

So I got blackpilled last year when I was 17, I guess it was before that too but who knows. <br><br>For my whole life I have been a nerd, I never really got along with others, I was way too nervous to even make a friend, I can barely talk to my family. I have a stutter that I have been worried about for years and I got to a point last year where I was like welp I can't change it and I still haven't. I have some other problems I don't want to talk about but I guess I'm just not meant to be normal.<br><br>Anyway my parents wanted me to go outside and be normal, play with other kids, I only really hung out with this one kid and some other kids I don't talk to anymore, he's one of my only real friends and my closest one. As a kid we always played together and I would be over at his house all the time, I guess you could say I was a pretty normal kid to an outsider, just a bit shy. <br><br>I worried a lot about my stutter but when I was around 17 I realized that I would probably never get rid of it and I just learned to live with it, I went to a special ed school for a while which really fucked with me tbh, but I came to the realization that I was gonna be a virgin forever and I would never be able to have kids and I would probably never even meet a girl.<br><br>I then looked at myself in the mirror and I realized, oh shit I'm ugly huh? I always knew I had problems but I guess I never really realized it. I look back at all the times I was worried about myself, the times I had fun with other people, the times I went outside and had a good time with other people. <br><br>But then I realized, all of those times I was playing a role, I was trying to be normal, I was trying to be one of them, I never really fit in. And when I was playing a role I was actually happy, I had a purpose, I was hanging out with all of my friends, I had a good time. <br><br>And then I realized, I'm not like them, I can't fit in with them because I'm not like them, I'm not wired to be that way, I have to be myself. I'm not blackpilled because I hate women or I'm a misogynist, I don't hate anything, I don't care for anything, I realize just how insignificant I am. <br><br>This realization is what led me to be blackpilled, I was never normal, I never fit in, I'm a LEGO piece that doesn't fit. And I realized I'm not a person, I'm just an object, a stranger in this world. I'm just another number. I still have a good time but I have no one to share it with, I don't even have a crush, I don't even know what girls like, I don't even know how to talk to one. <br><br>Does my life suck? Shit yeah it does, I've always known it though.