They aren't my kids, and that's okay.

My fiancé has two children that are the result of a rape. I know that the father is one of two possible men, and I know who they both are. They look nothing like my soon to be husband, and he knows that they aren't his. They look exactly like one of the two suspects. My fiancé is now disabled due to a work accident, and can't have children due to his disability.<br><br>I have pushed the kids away (and to an extent my soon to be husband) since I found out that they weren't his. I've done this because I feel like I'm living some kind of lie, and I don't know what to think of the whole thing.<br><br>I'm no longer attracted to my fiancé because I see the eldest (the one that looks like the rapist) when I look at him and it just makes me sick to my stomach. I don't want to have sex with him because I feel like I would be getting into bed with that man if I did. I'm no longer comfortable in my own home.<br><br>I've also been making sure the kids know that I'm not their mother, as well as telling them that they will never be considered my children. I refuse to raise the product of rape, or two children that aren't even his in the first place.<br><br>I've grown to loathe the kids, and I want them gone. I want them gone so that I can have a normal life. One where I can raise children that are actually my soon to be husbands children, and not the children of two different rapists.<br><br>It's just not fair. It's not fair to me, and it's not fair to him. He should have a normal family, with a wife and children that are his. This is all the result of one stupid mistake on his part; a mistake that I have to live with and pay for, everyday.