I genuinely feel like I’m not good enough for anything.

I grew up with a lot of self doubt. My dad would say I’m not good at anything and everyone would laugh. My mom always said“oh he’s just joking.” But I never really felt like it was a joke. I’m 33 now and I’m trying everything I can to make myself better. But this feeling of being inadequate just grows stronger and stronger. After my mom died I lost my only friend. My dad doesn’t check in on me anymore. I just feel so alone. I feel like I’m just taking up space. Like I have no one to care for me and I’m not good enough for myself to care for. I used to get angry at the world for giving me a dad like mine but then I just grew to resent myself for selfishly thinking that. What can I do? How can I make everyone proud? How can I be a good person? I’m so tired of feeling the way I feel right now. I genuinely feel like I’m just an unwanted animal right now. I just want to be loved.