If you respect women, you will not pass polygraph for a background check

I’m a 21 year old guy. I know that this is an unusual post, but since I am a male, I hope that I won’t be downvoted to oblivion. I have some concerns and I am looking for some advice. If you can’t respect that, then that’s your problem. I recently applied for a police department and I passed all the stage of hiring process and I am about to do the polygraph test. I am a little bit concerned about the polygraph test. My friend who works for a police department told me that polygraph test consists of answering the personal questions such as have you ever shoplifted or have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/wife, have you ever done this and that. I am a little bit concerned about this because I have lied to my girlfriend in the past. I have been with my current girlfriend for 6 years now without knowing that she was engaged to another man before she met me. I have been lied to about her relationship with her ex and she literally told me that they didn’t had sex. The truth was that they were living together and they were having sex, but I didn’t know that at first. I found out that they were living together from her best friend and the rest of their story from her ex. I asked her about this and she told me that the reason she lied about her relationship with him was to protect me from hurting. I was hurt after I found out that she lied to me. I asked her to make a list of all the times that she lied to me, as I felt that I didn’t know her at all. I couldn’t trust her anymore. The list was pretty long. She tried to justify each one of them and she cried a lot to get forgive. She promised me that from now on she will never lie to me again. I demanded her to tell me the truth, because I felt that I didn’t know her at all. She confessed to me that she had lied to me about her virginity status and she actually lost her virginity to her ex-boyfriend. She had promised me that she was a virgin when we met. Now, about 6 years ago, I lied to her saying that I had slept with another girl. She was okay with it because she was already sleeping with her ex when we met. She knew that I had slept with other girls before. She actually knew how many girls I have slept with before we met. I never told her that I slept with another girl while we were dating. I lied to her about this because I wanted to see her reaction. Now, I am worried about the reaction from my girlfriend. I mean, I lied about sleeping with another girl, but it wasn’t true and it was only to test her. But technically, I did lie to her, didn’t I? If I am being asked during the polygraph test if I have ever lied to my girlfriend, I will definitely say yes and I get a negative result because I literally lied to her, even though the lie was about testing her. Another question that I am concerned about is have you ever shoplifted? I mean, I literally haven’t shoplifted anything. But technically, I did stole some stuff when I was a kid, so if I answer no to this question, I will definitely get a negative result. I have stolen some stuff in the past about 12 years ago (5 packs of gum, a chocolate, and a snack), but technically, I did stole something and I am not being honest about this.<br><br>&#x200B;<br><br>EDIT: thank you all for the answers. I am not anticipating any other problem and I am not planning to lie again. The problem is that during the polygraph test, they ask you about your past and I am not sure whether I am supposed to tell the truth or to keep some stuff to myself. Until now, everything went well, without any complications. I am just talking from my past experience. I am not planning to steal or lie in the future. My friend who is a police officer told me that if during the polygraph test you answer yes to such questions as have you stolen something, have you ever cheated on your girlfriend, have you smoked weed with your friends, you will never get a job. Maybe my friend is wrong, but I am just talking from my past experience.