I (27f) literally just found email after email from my fiancé (29m) to his ex girlfriend (19f) discussing how sad he is that we can’t divorce and that he wishes it was her instead of me regularly throughout our entire engagement.

I’m just so in shock right now. My fiancé has been my best friend since I was 15 and his girlfriend since I was 23. We’ve been engaged for close to 2 years and planning to get married in July. His ex is an entirely different story- they were together from 17-20 and she was awful to him. I’ve helped him move on and been by his side as he healed. <br><br>Last night we were both using our home office for work stuff and he asked me if I could edit a resume for him in Microsoft word, so I opened it on my laptop and started working on it. I noticed he had a bunch of emails with the subject line “R/[his name] and E/[my name]” so I opened one at random because he and I send emails sometimes when we’re in different rooms for memes. Well, it was membrane email after email from him to his ex discussing how sad he is that we can’t break up and divorce (it’s a long story as to why we can’t but we have to at least until next year) and how he wishes she and him could’ve worked out because he wished it was her instead of me. These are from throughout our entire engagement, but mostly from over the past 9 months. <br><br>I just feel so blindsided by all of this. I refuse to believe he feels this way, but he literally has. There are so many emails expressing how sad he is that he’s stuck with me. I’m seriously considering calling off the wedding and leaving him, I just don’t even know what to do. I keep reading the emails over and over again because I feel like I’m dreaming. Help.<br><br>Edit to add: I understand I need to leave, and I’m going to. My plan is to wait until after work and tell him how I feel tonight, sleep at a friend’s, and then formally break our engagement tomorrow in person with my mom there. I just need to leave. My main concern was if I was over reacting or not- it appears I’m not. Thank you for assuring me, it’s nice to feel like maybe I’m not crazy. I’ll post an update tomorrow.