I have to get clean in the next 60 days. Any thoughts on the process?

Hey everyone. <br><br>I'm currently on methadone and have been for 8 months or something crazy like that. I was on a decent dose for my needs 100mg, and the last week they had me jump up to 130mg to get me off of it. It's been pretty confusing latching onto this process, so my mind is elsewhere. I'm pretty fucking lightheaded and dizzy, and day two of not having my morning fix is today. I'm extremely sick in the stomach, not nauseous, just cramps. I have to get clean. I have to make it happen for the next 60 days, or else I lose money and my faith in sobriety, and latching onto it day by day is so so so hard. I'm stuck in a haze, and I'm trying to push myself through this haze, but I can't help but think of the memories I made with my friend, memories that I can't get back, memories of times I was just as happy and energetic, without the weight of this killer in my system. <br><br>This process is so hard, and I'm really questioning my faith in people. I've been so numbed latching onto this process, so when people say "Oh my gosh, I'm so proud of you, you're killing it." I really daydream of times where that wasn't true. And I know it's part of the process, so when people say "Oh my gosh, I'm so proud of you, you're killing it." it means nothing to me, and latching onto those words make me feel more numbed and confused, and detached from everyone and everything. It takes an emotional toll. But day by day I feel like a zombie, so I am just trying to push through this haze for now, and reflect on the process later. But it's like, when I reflect on it, the thought of trying to get through it kills me. It's the worst and numbing thing I've ever latched onto so far in my life. It's so hard to keep myself together, and people can't understand how hard it really is, so I just kind of bottle it up. <br><br>People are so wrong when they say this process isn't that bad. It really is. And I can't help but wonder how people make it through this so easily. I expect some people to find it easier to get through than others. But this is my experience and how I'm feeling, and I just feel so empty and confused and numbed latching onto it, so I thought I'd share about it.