Police went through a lot of trouble to catch me for shoplifting.

Not bragging. Every day I regret having done it. It was a mistake.<br><br>I needed a bag of gel for tribal drumming. I had gotten them at Walmart before. I was in Walmart. I knew they were in the craft section. I ran into a friend. We talked for a few minutes, then I went to locations I remembered finding the gel. It took a while to find it. The craft section was huge. I had finally found it. A black bag of gel. I knew it was what I needed. I didn’t have the time to go to the register either. I was in a hurry. I had a meeting with my parole officer.<br><br>So, I shoved the bag of gel down my pants, and went out the “employees only” door near the craft section.<br><br>I made it to my car in the parking lot. Put the key in the ignition, and turned it.<br><br>That is when the shit hit the fan. Two burly men in uniform grabbed me, and dragged me out of my car, and threw me onto the pavement.<br><br>I put my hands behind me, and they handcuffed me.<br><br>They picked me up. I had scrapes on my face, and my elbow was bleeding. They set me in the back of their car. It was a Crown Victoria. I remember because it had the old back seat with no cage. I thought that was weird.<br><br>Then they took me into the store. There they said I had to empty my pockets.<br><br>I pulled my keys, money, and wallet.<br><br>Then they asked me to pull up my shirt, and drop my pants.<br><br>I said, “You have got to be fucking kidding me.” (Not a good idea. Don’t do that. It pissed them off.)<br><br>Then I lifted my shirt. Pulled my pants down.<br><br>They frisked me. Reached down my underwear. Found the bag of gel. “This isn’t yours,” one of them said.<br><br>I told them they didn’t have the right to do what they did. “You didn’t have a warrant. I didn’t even try to leave the parking lot.”<br><br>One of them said, “You are a fucking idiot. We have been following you around the store for the last half hour.”<br><br>I asked, “Where were you when I talked to my friend?”<br><br>“Listening.”<br><br>“I was in the sporting goods section. That is right next to the front door. If I had been thinking about stealing something, don’t you think I would have taken something from the sporting goods section?”<br><br>“You knew the camera would get a good shot of your face.”<br><br>“I was gone before the camera could zoom in close enough to get a good shot of my face. But it did follow me all the way to the craft section. And, you knew where I was the whole time. There was a camera in the craft section too. It got a good shot of my face, and the black bag down my pants.”<br><br>The two of them looked at each other. I could see that they both knew they fucked up. A judge would not have given them a warrant.<br><br>They took me to the county jail. I had already been to county jail. I hated it. I was placed in booking. I had already been in booking. I hated it. I asked what was going on. They said they were getting me a lawyer.<br><br>I sat there for a long time. Without food. Without water. Without a toilet. Without a phone. I guess they were trying to get in touch with my PO, because my PO showed up at the jail.<br><br>“What the fuck did you do?” he asked.<br><br>I told him the whole story.<br><br>He listened intently. “That is not like you. What were you thinking?”<br><br>I told him, “I wasn’t thinking. I made a mistake.”<br><br>“I know all the cops in town. I know the two they sent after you. They are not the brightest. But, they know the law.”<br><br>He then told me what I already knew. “They fucked up. They didn’t have probable cause. They didn’t have a warrant. I will make some phone calls. I will have you out of here in a couple of hours.”<br><br>“Do I need to call my boss?”<br><br>“No, this never happened. They didn’t fuck up that bad. I will have the case dismissed. This never happened.”<br><br>He then said, “Don’t ever do it again.”<br><br>I said, “I never will.”<br><br>It never happened.