My (33m) wife (32f) said she’s not a “va**ine nigga;” I have to get her a Valentine’s Day gift. What should I get?

On the 14th, my wife and I each give each other a Valentine’s Day gift. This year, I was thinking of getting her a kitchen appliance. Perhaps a slow cooker, air fryer, or blender. The only catch is that she is a vegan chef, so I’d like the gift to match her lifestyle. <br><br><br>The slow cooker idea came to me from an old episode of the cartoon show King of the Hill. In one of the episodes, Peggy reveals that she gave her husband a slow cooker as a Valentine’s Day gift. The reason she gave him the slow cooker as a gift was because it was a thoughtful gift. She realized that she hates "thawing, chopping, sautéing, and standing over a hot stove all day." If she hates cooking, then she must hate cooking even more for her husband, right? If she can make Valentine’s Day easier by giving her husband a slow cooker, what a lovely gesture.<br><br><br>The air fryer idea came from my own stomach. I made myself air-fried sweet potato fries recently, and it was tasty. If my wife ever has to make fries for a catering event, I’m sure she’d rather use an air fryer than a deep fryer.<br><br><br>The blender idea came from a YouTube video I watched. In the YouTube video, a person blended tofu and chickpea brine together to create a vegan substitute for mayonnaise. “Chickpea brine?” I thought. “Why would anybody call it ‘chickpea brine’ instead of ‘bean water?’” I thought some more, and I realized that ‘bean water’ is a stupid name. At least ‘chickpea brine’ sounds sophisticated. I'm not sure what my wife would think about calling bean water "chickpea brine," but she'd probably appreciate the blender.<br><br><br>So, I have three gift choices: a slow cooker, an air fryer, and a blender. If you were a vegan chef, which gift would you want least? That's what I'll get for my wife.<br><br><br>EDIT: Holy guacamole! I didn't think this thread would get so many responses. I just wanted to let you all know that I read through all of the comments, and it was fun to watch the comments go from "he's trolling" to "he's not trolling." The best comment so far was the one that said, "This is the funniest thing I've ever seen. And I'm black." <br><br><br>This is not a troll post, and I'm not joking. I want to let everybody know that I'm genuine, and the story I posted is true. Like I said, I read through all the comments, and my favorite gift suggestion was the beignet pan. I showed a picture of it to my wife, and she liked it. This might have been the first time she's ever seen a beignet pan. Now, I'm going to buy the beignet pan, and I'm going to give it to her on Valentine's Day. Thank you for your help, and I love all of you. Happy Valentine's Day. <3<br><br><br>EDIT: I got the beignet pan. It arrived today, and it's beautiful. Thank you all for your help.<br><br><br>EDIT: Valentine's Day has come and gone. Last night, I gave my wife the beignet pan. She seemed to like it, and she said she'd use it to make vegan beignets someday. I gave her the beignet pan, and she gave me the gift of a chickpea and avocado salad. I was very happy with the gift she gave me, and the food was delicious. Yesterday was a good day.<br><br><br>EDIT: I gave my wife the beignet pan months ago, but today I finally got to eat beignets made from it. They were vegan beignets, and they were delicious. I’m so happy that I asked for advice. I’m finally eating the beignets I’ve always wanted to eat, and they’re made by the woman I love. Today is a great day.<br><br><br>EDIT: Today, my wife and I celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary. We decided to celebrate by making vegan beignets with the beignet pan I got her as a Valentine’s Day gift. When we were making the beignets, we realized that we had forgotten how to make them. The recipe we were using was the same one we had used months ago, but we had forgotten how to mix the ingredients. We tried to remember, but we couldn’t. We were about to give up, but then we remembered that I had posted on Chambers for gift ideas months ago. We read through the comments, and we found the recipe. Thank you, Reddit. <3