CMV: If someone accuses you of willfully doing something wrong, and your response is to say "if you only knew my reasons for doing it...you would understand." Or any variation of that, you are gaslighting.

If you are, as you claim, acting in the best interest of your partner, you should be able to articulate your reasoning and justify your actions. It is the onus of the accused party to do so. It is not the responsibility of the accuser to go on a fishing expedition to try to find evidence of wrongdoing, or to be the one making excuses for your behavior, or to wait for you to willfully tell them the "truth." If your motives are pure, they are easy to explain and justify. If they are not, admit that you messed up and take the hit. <br><br>You will be surprised how often people are understanding, and if you are unlucky, and your partner is not one of them, then you dodged a bullet, and you will find that better communication will help you find people who are compatible with your way of thinking. I think a lot of people don't realize that you can be in the right and still make mistakes. <br><br>Your accuser isn't always right. Sometimes they are overreacting, or misinterpreting, or have an over inflated sense of self entitlement, or even worse. But, it is your job to prove to them that you are acting in their best interest. How you act when you are on the block for being wrong is an excellent indicator of whether you are acting in good faith or not. <br><br>Edit: I want to point out that there is a difference in being defensive, and being evasive. Saying "I'm sorry you feel that way...that's not what I meant" is defensive, but still very clear in it's meaning. Saying "if you only knew why I acted that way...you would understand" is evasive, and not clear in its meaning.