I WROTE A RESEARCH PAPER ON 4CHAN AND NOW I'M QUESTONING EVERY LIFE CHOICE THAT LED ME HERE

I just submitted a research paper on 4chan, specifically my attempts to chart it’s influence on modern internet culture. I’m not going to post it here, as I feel like that would be kinda obnoxious. It’s not like anyone is going to be interested in reading a 5,000 word paper.<br><br>What I do want to do is talk to you all. Despite the persistent trend of racism/sexism that permeates this site… I feel like this place helped me in a way?<br><br>I learned of 4chan back in high school, in 2007. Back then, I was… well, I had a tendency to hoard food. Not like, in a binge eating way, but I'd just hide my snacks and never eat them. I'd do my absolute hardest to save my food for the future. my mom says that when I was 3, she bribed me into saying my first word by offering me a cookie.<br><br>I remember when I got my first valentines day box my my 2nd grade teacher, I spent 5 minutes deliberately making sure I ate every last crumb of candy my classmates had given me. Not because I was always hungry (I wasn’t) but because it felt wrong to waste it.<br><br>Also, I was a little autistic, and had difficulty making friends. I didn’t get confirmed until I was 16, and when I was 11, I went to a summer camp where the other kids realized I believed in santa clause. Yeah, it was rough. <br><br>So, back to 2007. I was 15, and I found 4chan after reading a few articles on how OMG this place was filled with weirdos and bigots. I have to admit, when I first arrived, I didn’t really get it. I’d been on plenty of other forums and discussion boards, but something about the simplicity/complication of the interface just struck a chord with me. <br><br>So, I stuck around. I spent hours reading through the different boards, mostly on /b/. At the time, I didn’t know that the majority of the threads were made up of different trolls. I just took everything at face value. <br><br>I remember my first time seeing a post from Mr. Despair. I took his advice to heart, and seriously considered killing myself. But then I saw the post where he said he was lonely, and he just wanted someone to talk to. <br><br>So, I made an effort to reach out. I made a throwaway email address and started talking to other anons. It sounds crazy, but it was the first time I’d been truly listened to. I don’t know if it was because I was underage or they just liked the idea of talking to a young girl, but I felt like I’d finally found some friends. Or at least, some company. <br><br>No, we didn’t talk about normal stuff. We talked about random bullshit- like the spiritual differences between the different types of fast food chicken nuggets, or our theories for who/what was behind the California Happy Cow advertisements. But that’s what made it so appealing. I wasn’t being judged for my weight, for my faith, or my my interests. I was just a faceless voice, and people wanted to be my friend.<br><br>When the financial crash happened, I saw a lot of people talking politics on the board. I didn’t really know anything about economics, I was 16, and I was still taking AP history. But I felt like I was getting educated, because there were different people arguing about capitalism. <br><br>I actually spent hours printing out my own Obamabucks, and handing them out under the doors of people I knew were conservatives on my street. When the recession hit, I saw a lot of people on 4chan expressing how happy they were that other people were losing their jobs, and it really bothered me. I realized that maybe I wasn’t as much of an “anon” as I thought. <br><br>But still, I came to this place for advice whenever I was feeling lonely or scared. Despite the persistent trends of racism/sexism that permeate this site, I felt like I had found a place where I could get advice and comfort. I asked for advice on how to break up with my 1st love. On how to avoid getting evicted when I got in trouble with the 3 roommates I had living in a studio apartment when I was 25. On how to break up with my husband, and how to come out as a lesbian. <br><br>I got a lot of good advice, and a lot of bad advice. But I felt comfortable asking for it. I never had any social skills, and I don’t think I ever will. I just don’t. But I want to say thank you to all of you. I’m really glad this place exists.