AITA for calling my wife a fucking idiot after a weekend with my boys?

I was ditched by my ex wife several years ago, and after a long time alone, I dating a woman named Rachel. <br><br>She has a child named Rory from a previous relationship that she sometimes talks about. We were together about a half year when she decided to see her ex in order to get child support. We live in the US, he lives back in Canada, and she hadn't seen him in years. She said they were going to connect tomorrow so Rory can meet his biological father. <br><br>I was a little concerned because she was going to be bringing our 2 year old daughter with her. She said it would be a good idea for Rory to meet his sister as well. I told her I wasn't comfortable with her bringing our daughter. Rachel asked me why, I said it was because the meeting wouldn't be a pleasant one. I said I didn't want our daughter around all that negativity. She said that I was calling her a bad mother. I said I was calling her an idiot for bringing a 2 year old to that meeting. She said I was being immature and that she was going with or without "my stamp of approval". I asked her why she can't just listen to me but she didn't respond. I said to her, "You fucking idiot" and that was that. <br><br>That same week, I met up with my old friends at a lake house. I hadn't seen them in years since we live in different states now. They were all surprised I got married so quickly after my divorce. I explained my entire situation with Rachel to some of them that didn't already know. We were all pretty drunk and I think one of my friends said "Bro you need to dump her because she's a fucking idiot". I don't know if it was the booze or just the situation I was in, but I just fucking laughed after he said that.<br><br>I didn't check my phone during that weekend because I was having a good time catching up with my boys. When I got back home on Sunday, I saw a bunch of missed calls from Rachel. I called her back thinking something big happened. She said she came back to town on Saturday afternoon and that our daughter wasn't with her. I asked her what she meant. She said she went to see her ex on Friday and he didn't want to see Rory. In my head I'm thinking this bitch fucking left our daughter with her ex. I asked her to tell me she didn't leave our daughter with him. She said yes. I was fucking livid and hung up. I told my friend to drop me off at the airport. <br><br>I got home that same night and busted the door open. My daughter was asleep in her room. I'm talking to Rachel and I asked her what fucking part of "don't bring our daughter" she didn't understand. She said how I was being mean and that I didn't have to call her an idiot. I told her to take that idiot mentality out my house. She moved in with her parents the next day but I haven't seen her since. I've been told by basically everyone that I should have been understanding and empathetic of her need to have both kids see their biological fathers. I just don't get why she had to make the narrative about her son and not include me or our daughter in the story at all. I told everyone the same thing, I'm not calling her an idiot for being a bad mother. I called her an idiot because she's an idiot.<br><br>UPDATE: With my son's prompting, I decided to talk to Rachel and clear the air. I apologized for calling her stupid and she apologized for leaving our daughter with her ex. She said that she didn't leave our daughter with him, she just left Rory with him to spend some time with him (I'm pretty sure this was just to ease my mind to get me to allow our daughter to go, in which case it worked). She said that her ex got very upset when he saw our daughter and told her to go back to the hotel. She said she left because he didn't want to see our daughter and she just got mad that he wouldn't even see our daughter. Our daughter was in the car the whole time.<br><br>I told her that I'm sorry for not giving her a chance to explain herself. I told her I was giving her a second chance, and that if she fucked up again, she'd be gone for good. She was very happy. We've gotten a lot closer these past weeks and many of the issues we've had have been resolved. She told me that it was very mature of me to apologize to her even though I knew I was right. I just told her I'm not a dick.