How can I stop hating men?

I have been a feminist my entire (23) life, and I have been infuriated with men since I was about 15 after my dad (a self proclaimed feminist) threatened to send me to a mental institution for being promiscuous. I have always been fascinated with witchcraft but didn’t start to delve into it seriously until COVID, when I got pregnant, had an abortion, and then got pregnant again. I am due in December with my first child and the journey to motherhood has been incredibly life changing and transformative. This sub has been very inspiring to my ours and journey, I’m grateful for it. I’ve recently realized that my actions aren’t aligning with my values though; I have BPD and ADHD, and I have extreme difficulty with emotional regulation. As a result, every time I see a man, I immediately hyperfixate on “protecting” myself from them, even when they are kind and aren’t a threat. This is particularly true online, as I am single and dating and encounter a lot of men in the process. There is a voice in my mind that is constantly telling me that all men are out to hurt me, degrade me, or abuse me. I’ve recently realized that this mindset is actually in opposition to the feminist values that I hold so dear, which is that gender roles are a social construct and that individuals are not their gender. I’ve also been struggling with an eating disorder for my entire life, and I’ve recently realized that my hatred for men has become an eating disorder coping mechanism. I also have a very hard time connecting with other women because I get so much validation from men when it comes to my appearance and my body. I am in therapy, but I’m having a hard time getting rid of this mindset and way of being. I want to stop seeing men as my enemy, I want to stop obsessing over how I can protect myself from them. I want to see them as people. I want to be able to connect with other women and not have my need for male validation get in the way. Does anyone have any advice? What are some books, authors, etc that you all recommend?