I can't stop thinking that if I got hit by a car it would be like my life's purpose is over.

I want to die and I'm scared. I'm so scared that I really don't know what to do. I have always thought that the universe can allow me to become a doctor and that if I get hit by a car or something it would be a sign that I am not too good for the job and that it would be as if my life's purpose is done. I am so scared because I really want to die and I am just hoping that my life's purpose is over. I am getting darker and I am scared but I really can't let go of these thoughts. I don't want to die because I just don't want to live anymore. But I am afraid that if I go ahead with it and if my life's purpose is not over, I would let everyone down and get [punished].