I have found myself very turned on by the idea of the world ending due to the coronavirus

It’s just throwing me into this depressive manic episode and I don’t even know how to explain it, I keep fantasizing about the world ending due to the coronavirus and the fact that I would have no responsibility of doing anything afterwards and I don’t know it’s so weird cause I don’t know, I don’t want to die, I don’t want anything bad to happen to me or the people I love, it’s just the fact that the world is ending, and I guess the idea of there being nothing to worry about anymore, and everything feeling numb is just so satisfying and again, I don’t know, it’s very weird and I don’t know how to explain, and I don’t want to worry anyone, but I think everyone would probably be worried about me, but I don’t even know if I should tell anyone but I don’t even know, I just feel like I want the world to end, but I don’t know it feels wrong, but the world already feels so fucked up, and I don’t even know, I don’t know anymore, but again, I don’t want to die, I don’t want anything bad to happen to me, my family or my friends, but I just wish the world would end, and I don’t know it feels wrong, but again, I don’t know, and I don’t know what to do about it, I know I’m fucked up, and I know I should probably get help, but again, I don’t even know, I just wish everything would just end and that there would be nothing left, and I would have nothing to worry about and that everything would just feel numb, and I guess I don’t even know, but I wish everything would just be better, and it feels like it’s never going to get better, so I don’t even know, it just feels like the world ending is the only way anything is going to get better, but I don’t even know, I just know I feel empty, and I don’t know, it’s just been so hard, and I don’t even know, I don’t even know, I just feel so empty and I don’t know, I don’t even know what else to say but yeah, I just wish the world would end, and the human race would just die out, and I don’t even know, I just wish everything would be better and everyone would be happy, but I just don’t think that’s ever going to happen, and I don’t even know, it just feels like the world ending is the only way anything would be better, and I don’t even know, it feels like I’m going crazy, and everything is just falling apart, and I don’t know I feel like I’m losing my mind, and I don’t know, I just feel like I don’t want to be here anymore, and I don’t even know, it’s just so hard, and I don’t even know, I just feel like I’m so alone, and I don’t even know, I just want everything to be better, but I feel like it’s never going to happen.