I was trying to write a message for my ES friend, but now I wish I had blocked her instead.

I'm a kindergarten teacher assistant. My shift ends at 4pm and today the teacher wanted to ES friend and her family for a visit. ES means Early Stage and this is when the kids are very new to English and have a hard time speaking and communicating. <br><br>I was told not to leave because the principal wanted to meet me and the teacher surely wanted this ES friend to see me speak. The principal had a similar last name as me so I wanted to ask him a question, but when I tried to open my mouth, the words wouldn't come out. <br><br>This was the first time that this happened to me. I ES friend and the principal were chatting so I tried again and it was a huge fail. I couldn't speak and I was frustrated. I wanted to walk away and just go home but what would they think? <br><br>The teacher was looking at me and she asked me if I was okay. I was fine, but I started to cry because I couldn't speak. I know that this will never happen to me again, but they didn't know that. What if I was mute? I have never felt this way before and I was just scared for the moment. <br><br>I was trying to tell them that I was okay, but I couldn't. So I walked away before I started to cry. ES friend was trying to speak to me in Korean, but I didn't want to speak Korean to her. I wanted to prove to ES friend that I can speak English, but now I wish that I had blocked her. <br><br>The teacher was trying to help me by translating what I was saying, but that wasn't what I wanted. ES friend started to speak to me in English, but I didn't want to talk to her. She wanted to take a picture with me and I didn't want to. <br><br>I surely didn't want to take a picture with ES friend when I couldn't speak English. I was trying to lip read what she was saying, but she was wearing a mask and talking very fast. I didn't want to ask her to repeat what she said. <br><br>I took the picture and then I just left. The teacher surely knows what happened but ES friend doesn't know. The principal didn't ask me anything, but he could have asked if I was okay. <br><br>When I got home, I was crying and I was just scared. This has never happened to me before but what if it happened again? What if I couldn't speak English ever again? <br><br>I was talking to my husband and my friends and I was speaking fluently, but what if this happened at work? What if I couldn't speak English at work? <br><br>ES friend was just visiting, but what if I couldn't speak English to the kids, to the teacher, to the parents or to the principal? <br><br>I was surely going to be fired and I wouldn't be able to get a new job if I couldn't speak English. I would lose my visa sponsorship and what would happen to my family? <br><br>They surely wouldn't want me back in Korea. I started to think about all of these things and I started to panic. <br><br>I was trying to look at the positive side of things. I'm 32 and this has never happened to me before so it won't happen again. But what if it did? <br><br>I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't stop thinking about what had happened. I couldn't stop thinking about what could happen. <br><br>I was trying to remind myself that this is AI and anything can happen. But I have never experienced this before. ES friend was trying to speak to me in English, but I didn't want to talk to her. <br><br>I was trying to lip read what she was saying, but she was wearing a mask and talking very fast. The teacher was trying to translate what ES friend was saying, but I surely didn't want that. <br><br>I could understand what she was saying, but I just didn't want to talk to her. I didn't want to hear her speak in English. <br><br>I didn't want to take a picture with her. I didn't want to look at her. I didn't want to be near her. I surely didn't want ES friend to see me this way. <br><br>I didn't want her to see me cry. I didn't want her to see me struggle. I was trying to be strong, but I wasn't strong enough. <br><br>ES friend left and I couldn't stop crying. I was just scared for the moment. I was scared that I couldn't speak English and I didn't know what to do. <br><br>The teacher surely knew what happened, but ES friend didn't know. The principal didn't ask me anything, but he could have asked if I was okay. <br><br>I surely didn't want ES friend to see me cry. I didn't want her to see me struggle. I was trying to lip read what the teacher and the principal were saying and I could understand them. <br><br>I was trying to be strong, but I wasn't strong enough. I was just scared and I didn't know what to do. I was trying to remind myself that this is AI and anything can happen.<br><br>AI is just weird sometimes.