My husband (M50) started disliking me (F38) after I got fat and now I am inNC.

We have been married for 13 years. No kids. We were very happy in the first part of our marriage, we were very good friends and friends with benefits. Our love life was very hot, however, after I got really fat, our love life became more of a routine, I got really big, really fast, and my self esteem really suffered. It was hard for me to go out and be intimate with him. He gained some weight too, but I was a lot bigger. He gained maybe 10 kg but I gained 25 kg in a year, I went from a size 6 to a size 16. <br><br>I noticed he was getting more distant from me, he stopped being romantic and complimenting me, he even started leaving the house on weekends. <br><br>One day, I was drunk at home and I asked him how he felt about me, and he said, “I don’t feel anything, I don’t like or dislike you, you are just here, but I don’t find you attractive”. <br><br>I said “I feel the same, I am fat, ugly, you are not my type anymore” and he said “I am not fat, ugly, you are fat, ugly and lazy”. <br><br>Honestly, it hurt me a lot. I felt like I wanted to die. I didn’t eat for a week. I started having anxiety and depression. I tried to lose weight, but it seems impossible, I need many surgeries and I am not ready for them and it is also expensive. <br><br>Now, I have been in NC with him for 5 years, I don’t talk to him, I don’t want to go anywhere with him, I don’t want to be intimate with him. I still love him, but I am so angry with him. <br><br>I don’t know what to do, I can’t afford to buy a house on my own and I am not ready to move out yet, but I am ready to divorce him. <br><br>I am sorry if this is not well written, English is not my first language.<br><br>TLDR: My husband started disliking me after I got really fat and now I am in NC and I can’t afford to move out.<br><br>UPDATE: Thanks a lot for all your comments, I am going to talk to a lawyer to know what’s my options for a friendly divorce, I want to make it fast and less painful for both of us, I don’t hate him, I just don’t love him anymore. <br><br>I don’t care about his money, I make my own money and I will be fine on my own, I don’t want a penny from him. What I need is a house, I need to feel safe and secure. <br><br>I will talk to a realtor friend of mine and ask for his opinion and I will also talk to a lawyer to know what are my options for a fair divorce. <br><br>You guys are awesome, thanks a lot for all the advice, you gave me a lot to think about. I will come back with an update. <br><br>PD: Sorry for my grammar, English is not my first language, I am in Central America.