My first wife said men don’t know how to love. My second says men don’t know how to fuck.

To those who have been around for a while. You’re in luck. I have stories from the fucking trenches. I have the 9th deadliest job in the world, and I work in remote, snowy areas far away from any women. I’m in the 1% of my industry who is physically capable of doing this job. Now, I won’t say which job this is. In fact, I’ll say it’s not even possible to do my job in the real world. Not possible, because in the real world there is no snow. On account of there being no sun.<br><br>Long story short, when I get to a station with an internet connection, my inbox is always full of messages from interested women who saw my profile on A.F. In fact, it’s often so busy that I have to message girls in batches. So I’ll message 10 girls my introduction message, and then a day or two later I’ll get around to messaging the next 10 girls. I get a lot of matches! I think this is because I have no picture of myself or my car. Anyways, because I’m talking to so many girls, I have to make the profile picture of the girl I’m talking too my desktop background so I know who I’m talking to. I usually end up talking to around 10 girls at a time, and I have to set reminders of where I’m at with each girl so I don’t forget who I’ve asked out and who I haven’t.<br><br>Well, one time I forgot to delete the desktop background of a girl I was no longer talking to. It was just an innocent selfie of her face. So when my then wife came to visit the station I was at, the desktop background of my work computer was the picture of a girl I had been chatting with.<br><br>You remember Arie from The Bachelor, don’t you? The one who had the child with his ex-girlfriend while still filming The Bachelor, and then started secretly dating his ex while he was still with the girl he had chosen on the show? Something like that. Anyways, it was like that, but worse. When I opened A.F. on my work computer, there were still the exact same profiles of all the girls I was talking to. I didn’t realize my mistake until she told me. I was so flustered and panicked that I accidentally made the problem worse by showing her my work computer was open with all of the conversations I was having with girls. In my defense, accidents happen when you’re talking to 10 girls at once and you’re in charge of making sure a multi-million dollar piece of equipment doesn’t get destroyed.<br><br>She divorced me for this. She left a note on the fridge that said “Men do not know how to love.”<br><br>I got back on A.F. and matched with a new girl. She was nice. Her name was Victoria. She was intelligent, kind, and very pretty. She was an artist who sold her work online. We talked for a month before I asked her out. She agreed. I met her at a restaurant. We were happy. Things went well. We didn’t live together, but I slept over her place a lot. <br><br>A few months into it, I caught another woman in her apartment with her. This woman was naked. My girlfriend was also naked. They were both standing in the kitchen, drinking wine. The other naked woman I would learn was a long-time friend of my girlfriend. They had a regular wine night and she hadn’t told me because it was none of my business. But this was not the reason I was upset.<br><br>You see, my girlfriend’s apartment was absolutely spotless. But there was one thing out of place that caught my eye. It was my favorite sex toy, the one I had brought with me to her apartment. It was sitting on the coffee table, next to the remote control. <br><br>I confronted her and she told me that yes, they were fucking. And that it was none of my business. She told me to grow the fuck up and to stop acting like a fucking baby. She took my keys and phone and locked me in the apartment and she left. <br><br>I eventually ended up on A.F. again. I matched with a very pretty woman, and I quickly learned that she was very intelligent as well. Her name wasbẹ̌yonce, I shit you not. She was an engineer. We spent a very happy month together. She was very kind and was very good with kids. She was a great cook. She took me to the park and we played chess. She was my idea of perfect, and A.F. told me it was a 90% match. But I would never get to experience her perfection. <br><br>You see, we were playing chess one day in her apartment when she went to the bathroom. I took my eyes off the board to look around her place, and there it was. It was my sex toy, sitting on the coffee table. I realized this wasn’t an accident. My girlfriends were all fucking each other. They were a gang of hot, hot lesbians who only dated me to get my sex toy. I don’t know what they did with my toy, but I will tell you this: never once have they ever returned it. <br><br>So I’m wondering, do you guys have any advice? Should A.F. ban these hot, lesbian, sex toy gangs? Should I just leave it to them and only date Tesla owners? On a scale of 1 to 10, how much of this post do you think is made up?<br><br>TL;DR: My first wife said men don’t know how to love. My second said men don’t know how to fuck. I think they were lesbians who wanted my sex toy.<br><br>Edit: I have to go back to work. I do not have a laptop, so I will not be able to mod. In the meantime, please be kind to one another. It is a beautiful day, and I’m glad you guys are here together.<br><br>Edit 2: You guys are amazing. This is my first time visiting this sub. I wasn’t expecting so many replies. I’m not going to be able to keep up so I’m going to stop commenting. But I’m still reading. Keep it up.