I am a nurse who deliberately delays care to patients whom I don’t like

I am a nurse in a psych unit and I’m pretty sure I’m going to hell so I might as well admit this here in an anonymous post. I genuinely do love and care about most of my patients but I make conscious decisions about the quality of care that I give based on my opinions about people’s personalities, how they treat me and my colleagues, and other things like that. I think I’m doing it subconsciously more than anything at this point. I have seen myself do things like ignore calls from patients I don’t like, intentionally give them their meds late, deliberately give them the bare minimum or even less when it comes to their care, and even deliberately give them foods that I know that they don’t like. One time a patient asked for a sandwich and I put fills of sauerkraut on it and laughed to myself as he ate it. <br><br>The worst part is that a lot of the patients I don’t treat very nicely have severe mental illnesses like schizophrenia and other disorders where they don’t have control over what they do. I feel horrible about it but it’s just something that I do at this point.