I don't have a sexy experience, but incest kinda saved me

I'm in my late 20s and unconventionally well adjusted. I'm in therapy, but just because of run of the mill BPD, not due to any trauma. I'm acutely aware that it's due to some hardcore family incest. I'm getting to it so hold on.<br><br>I'm a survivor of a national disaster. While I was in high school a tsunami ran through my city and destroyed my home. I survived in a shelter for 2 months before moving in with my dad. He was a big step up. Mom was abusive. She was a drunk who beat me. Dad was a bit old school, but other than that he's not a bad guy. Still, living with him brought its own set of problems. He was at the bottom of his drinking spiral. A few months before the disaster, he got into a car accident. It was a drunk driving accident, and then he was caught driving without a license. All in all, it was a lot, and he was in jail when the tsunami happened. He was able to get out, and able to help me in a way my mom couldn't. She barely had a place to live, and her boyfriend didn't want me around. So I went with dad.<br><br>I'm also autistic. It's something I've dealt with my whole life. I get consistent support, including professional help, and if I could handle writing this post, I'm doing pretty well. But because I'm autistic, I have a hard time with changes. The move was gigantic. I had to move to a place I'd never been. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to my friends, or see our house before it was destroyed. My whole life was just gone in an instant. So to help with that, my dad got naked in bed with me. It was obviously sexual, and not something I wanted. But he'd do it almost every night, and he'd basically just rub up against me. I don't have the trauma associated with incest. I don't feel violated. I don't feel scarred. But I do feel like it helped me. It's something I could hold onto in the hardest days of my life. He'd hold me, and rub against me, and it was enough consistent comfort to help me make it through the day, to get through the actual hardest experience of my life.<br><br>I'm not trying to justify what my dad did. I'm not trying to romanticize something that should be so obviously wrong. I just feel that the consequences of incest are underrated. It's the most disgusting thing in the world to think about, unconscionable even. But the fact is, for me, it was the key in surviving a national disaster. I don't know what would have happened if I didn't have that. It almost feels like the stuff they tell you about human contact in medical school. Human contact is so important, babies that don't get enough physical contact will die. It's obviously not that bad now, but it felt like I was back in that place, so I'm not elaborating. But seriously, I don't know if I would have survived a year of living in shelters without that physical contact.<br><br>I'm not trying to make you feel bad about me. I'm fine, really. I'm just saying that incest, while it's so obviously wrong, has served a positive purpose in my life. While most people are horrified at the idea, it is ok to me. I think it's unconscionable if it involves children, and it's obviously not right if it's forced, but if everyone is consenting, I don't see the problem.