“Awkward silence? Oh, here, let me fill it with constant chatter and make sure we NEVER have a genuine conversation.”

There’s this weird cultural assumption that silence is, essentially, the worst thing you can have—a moment of discomfort so jarring that, when the inevitable happens and you’ve got to have a group conversation, the very *first* thing you’re going to do is grab your chatiness as if it was a security blanket to WAD.<br><br>And then you use it. Endlessly. To avoid *any* kind of meaningful exchange. “How’s your week going? Oh, it’s going good! Isn’t it though? Isn’t YOUR week going good? How’s your job? Yeah, mine’s good! Did you do anything this weekend? OH BOY DID I. I went to the GROCERY STORE! What about YOU? Did you do anything at the GROCERY STORE? What did you buy? Did you see that thing I just bought? I got SO MANY good deals. YEAH GABRIELLE, HOW ABOUT YOU? Oh, you were quiet? Sorry. Didn’t catch that. YOU QUIET? OK. fine. Yeah. So…what was the question again?”<br><br>And then, *after* you’ve painted yourself as the type of person who can NEVER stand a conversation not going exactly at breakneck speed, you’re going to have the *nerve* to be like, “Hey, doesn’t it suck when people can’t have a conversation? I mean, why can’t we ever just, you know, TALK? I mean, I’m talking. Are you talking? *Silence.* Fine. I’ll just go play some video games and not bother you, you stubborn, silent asshole.”<br><br>To add insult to injury, then you’re going to say *I’m* the one who’s rude? That *I’m* the one who’s making it impossible for you to talk?<br><br>Well, guess what? If you didn’t keep vouchering your incessant chatter *EVERY. SINGLE. TIME* there’s a moment where we’re supposed to be talking, I might *actually* be able to talk to you. But you refuse to stop talking long enough to *allow* me to talk! You refuse to let me talk because you’re afraid of what’s going to come out of my mouth. Specifically, the silence!<br><br>So, here’s my proposal:<br><br>From now on, the next time you realize the conversation has paused and it’s not immediately your turn to talk, just…shut up. Let the silence stand. Prove to yourself (and everyone else) that you can handle it.<br><br>And then, when *you’ve* finally learned to handle silence, then maybe you can STFU and figure out what’s causing the awkwardness. Maybe it’s *you.*<br><br>Then you might actually have a chance at having a genuine, real conversation.<br><br>Until then, you’re just going to be the guy who is so *terrified of silence* that he’s going to prove that the *only* thing he’s got to say is “OH, HERE, LET ME FILL IT WITH CONSTANT CHAT TER AND MAKE SURE WE NEVER HAVE A GENUINE CONVERSATION AGAIN.”<br><br>The. Fucking. Audacity.