I Watched You Die

I was a rookie cop in my late 20s in my very small town in the south. I had been doing good the past two years and one of my coworkers recommended that I apply for the S.W.A.T. (our department called it the Crisis Negotiations Team) before I transfer to homicide. He said it would look good on my resume and you could always transfer. So I applied and made it into the team with 11 other officers. We were each assigned a senior member to mentor us. I was assigned to a senior member named Dale. Dale had been on the CNT for 11 years and was a lieutenant. He was not pleased when he found out he was assigned a rookie. He said I should go back when I had more experience and that he didn't have time to babysit me.<br><br>I started attending team meetings and Dale would sit all the way in the back and not say a word. He didn't even acknowledge my presence.<br><br>About a month later there was a standoff on the north side of town. An armed man had taken hostages and was inside the building. I was told to stay back by the rookies. I did as instructed, but Dale showed up and said "Alright rookie, lets go talk." Dale and I walked towards the building. Dale told me to stand behind him and watch. He then called the man on the phone and told him he wanted to talk. The man came out onto the balcony and Dale tried to talk him down. The man started yelling at Dale and Dale told him to stop. The man said "No, you stop." He then pointed his gun at Dale and fired. Dale grabbed his stomach and fell on the ground. I was startled and my training kicked in. I hit the ground next to Dale. I was about to call 911, but Dale handed me the phone and said "Talk him down." I started talking to the man on the balcony. I asked him for his name and he told me it was Cody. Cody told me he had been wronged by the government and wanted to take revenge. I asked him to come down from there and talk to me face to face. He agreed to and walked down to the front door.<br><br>Dale and I walked to the door. Dale was bleeding heavily. When Cody saw Dale, he started yelling and pointing his gun at Dale. Dale yelled at him again and then fell backwards on the ground. Cody started rushing at Dale and Dale yelled at me to stop him. I stood up and knocked Cody to the ground. I then stood up and ran over to Dale. He was barely breathing. I called 911 and told them and officer was down. I was talking to Dale and he said he didn't want to die. I told him he wasn't going to die, but Dale told me he didn't feel good. Dale said he was going to close his eyes, but he promised he would wake up. Dale closed his eyes and I watched as he stopped breathing. Dale didn't wake up.<br><br>The paramedics showed up and did CPR on Dale. Dale didn't wake up. The police showed up and took Cody away. The police told me I did a good job, but I felt guilty. Dale was my responsibility and I failed. I didn't save him. The Captain told me to go home and take the next week off. I went home and cried. I cried so hard I couldn't sleep. I just couldn't function.<br><br>The next morning I got a call saying the funeral would be the next day and I had to be there. I agreed and went to the funeral. I could barely function.<br><br>After the funeral everyone asked me what I planned on doing next. I told them I was going to stay with the CNT. They all told me I couldn't and Dale was why I was there. I told them Dale wanted me there so I was going to stay. I transfered to homicide about a year later and worked there for 13 years before retiring.<br><br>Over the years I spent a lot of time thinking about Dale. He's the reason I'm alive. Dale saw something in me. Dale thought I could be a good cop. Dale was a great cop. Dale died.<br><br>I just wanted to say, Dale if you can hear me Watched You Die and I'm Better Because of You.