i posted in self and was banned, so i'll tell you my experiences as a female growing up and how i never was a shallow bitch, and how i never had any success in pursuing any men, and how i'm pretty sure i will be child free and alone forever.

Hi guys, i just posted in self and was banned. Perhaps this makes you feel more comfortable. I'm a female, an adult (early 30s), and i've been lurking this site off and on for a year or two, and i've decided to join. i truly feel that all of your voices are valuable, as i have a lot of personal experiences that have led me to feel the same way you guys do. i'm sorry that i'm about to do an oldbitch Schizo rant, but i think you might find this interesting.<br><br>I saw someone say that they never knew a chick that hung out with an ugly guy. Well, i was always an ugly girl, and i was never popular. i had a few close friends, but i was never part of any cliques or anything. i never was one of the shallow girls that rejected nerdy guys. <br><br>In fact, i pursued a relationship with one of my classmates in high school who was fat and ugly. One of the only guys in my class who never saw me as disgusting. Perhaps i was doing it out of pity, but i tried to make a relationship happen with him, even going out on dates. He was the only guy who ever saw my bare body in high school, and i gave him oral sex. In the end, he rejected me, and i was devastated. For years i felt like a disgusting piece of shit, and i'm still trying to cope with it. If you guys are angry, trust me, i'm angry too.<br><br>i was always called ugly by both men and women, and i was surprised i even got into University. All of the popular girls, the pretty ones, they had boyfriends, friends with benefits, etc. i never had any of that, and i was an outcast. To top it all off, i'm from a Southeastern asian background, and i'm the only one of my siblings that aged poorly. <br><br>i'm so fucking angry, all of the fucking time. i'm so hurt and frustrated. i'm pretty sure i'll be child free, and i'm just pretending to do this whole "i'm happy being single" thing, but really i'm just hurt and angry, like you guys.