Every night, my girlfriend wakes me up to tell the exact same joke, word for word.

Before i start, i feel like i should let something very clear: I absolutely love Ellen. We've been living together for about three years now, but have known each other our whole lives. In fact, we were childhood friends - and i know this may sound like a fairy tale to some people, but it truly felt like we were always destined to be together. Even after graduation, when we started dating other people, it only felt truly right when we were with each other. So i don't know what took me so long to ask her out, but i'm really glad i did.<br><br>We have the same taste in music, movies and even food, and for a long time, it's been that way. But there's one thing in particular that we both love: laughing together. The first time we met, i made her laugh and from that moment on, she was my best friend. So when we started dating, i knew i had to keep making her laugh. That's the reason why i became a comedian.<br><br>It's not a lot yet. Once or twice a week, i go to some random bar to tell jokes to some people that sometimes don't even laugh. But we made it work. Ellen had a job, and with the little money i made, we were able to live a happy life.<br><br>That all changed when Ellen was involved in an accident. It was at work, and i don't want to go into too much detail, but she got burned. Badly. It's been three months since that happened, and during that time, i barely left her side. I took the last two months off from work, and i didn't do any stand-up. I missed it a lot, but there was no way i could leave Ellen alone. She's my world, and when she suffered, i suffered along with her. So i did everything i could to make things better.<br><br>But even i need to make money, and so i started doing stand-up again. The first time was hard. The second time was a little less, but still hard. Slowly, i started feeling better, and now i was back to where i was before the accident. Happy to make people laugh - and i felt bad about it.<br><br>Ellen was in a lot of pain, and i felt like i was having fun? It just didn't seem right. But she wanted me to. I remember when i told her i would stop doing it, so i could focus on taking care of her, she cried. I didn't know what to do. But in the end, i decided to continue doing what i did: making people laugh, and taking care of Ellen as well as i could.<br><br>The first time i did stand-up after the accident, Ellen told me a joke when i came home. It was a little knockoff of one of Carlin's jokes, and - of course - it was very funny. She asked me if that was any good, and i told her it was fantastic. That i thought Carlin himself would be proud of her.<br><br>The next night, she told the same joke again. And the next night. And the next. I didn't really think anything of it, other than her trying to practice comedy herself now. I even offered to let her come with me to the bar, but she wasn't feeling up to it. She was still in a lot of pain, and even though she looked forward to it, she knew it wasn't the right time.<br><br>But every night, just before i had to go to sleep, she'd tell me the exact same joke:<br><br>''Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. And you know who will never be outstanding in his field? *stares at a picture of Louis C.K.* The boy whose dick is bigger than his career. Because you know what they say about guys with big dicks - they're always *outstanding in their field*.''<br>I started wondering where she had gotten it from, because she didn't like Carlin very much - she was just trying to be cute by telling me a joke in the style of Carlin, i guess. Then, one night, i was scrolling through reddit in bed, when i saw someone post that exact same joke on r/roastmaster. It was one of the 'fake' Carlin jokes. That explained it. I didn't pay much attention to it, until she kept telling me the same joke every night, no matter what i said.<br><br>One time, i told her i wasn't in the mood, because i had a bad day. But she still told me the joke - and then repeated it, because she thought i didn't listen the first time. The second time i told her i wasn't in the mood, she started crying. I couldn't handle seeing Ellen cry, because it made me feel so terrible. So i just listened to the joke again.<br><br>As the days went by, i started to miss the old Ellen. The one that made me laugh, the one that i could tell anything to, the one that *was* my best friend. But that person was gone. Now all she'd say to me was that same goddamn joke. She wouldn't even answer when i talked to her during the day - she'd just stare at me, not saying anything, as if she was waiting for something to happen.<br><br>So i started avoiding her. I'd leave as early as possible, and when i came home from doing standup, i'd just go to sleep. Just to keep her from telling me that shitty joke again. I felt terrible about it. I knew she wasn't herself, and i still kept avoiding her. But that goddamn joke just got so fucking annoying after hearing it for the 20th time. Why couldn't she just stop?<br><br>That's what i kept asking myself, every night. Every night that she told me the same joke, over and over and over. I couldn't take it anymore. So after the 28th time, i finally snapped. I held Ellen by her neck, getting up from bed, and told her - or rather, yelled at her - to be quiet.<br><br>''Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. And you know who will never be outstanding in his field? *stares at a picture of Louis C.K.* The boy whose dick is bigger than his career. Because you know what they say about guys with big dicks - they're always *outstanding in their field*.''<br><br>''Shut up Ellen. Just... shut up.''<br><br>''Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. And you know who will never be outstanding in his field? *stares at a picture of Louis C.K.* The boy whose dick is bigger than his career. Because you know what they say about guys with big dicks - they're always *outstanding in their field*.''<br><br>''Shut the fuck up - ''<br><br>''Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. And you know who will never be outstanding in his field? *stares at a picture of Louis C.K.* The boy whose dick is bigger than his career. Because you know what they say about guys with big dicks - they're always *outstanding in their field*.''<br><br>''SHUT THE FUCK UP ELL- ''<br><br>''Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. And you know who will never be outstanding in his field? *stares at a picture of Louis C.K.* The boy whose dick is bigger than his career. Because you know what they say about guys with big dicks - they're always *outstanding in their field*.''<br><br>''ELLEN. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SHUT UP.''<br><br>''Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. And you know who will never be outstanding in his field? *stares at a picture of Louis C.K.* The boy whose dick is bigger than his career. Because you know what they say about guys with big dicks - they're always *outstanding in their field*.''<br><br>I felt her grip loosen, and i noticed my hands still around her throat. I let go, and she fell on the ground with a thud. Then i fell on my knees, and cried. I didn't know what i had just done, but i knew it was wrong. I started shaking, and i just kept crying. I never thought i'd actually hurt Ellen in my life. For a moment, i even thought i'd killed her.<br><br>But then i noticed her still laying on the ground, alive. I slowly got back up, because i was still shaking, and laid down in bed. I pulled the covers over me, and cried even harder. What was i supposed to do? I just - *just* - hit Ellen, my childhood friend and girlfriend.<br><br>I was crying there for what felt like hours, until i noticed movement next to me. I turned around and saw Ellen laying in the bed, looking at me. The same blank stare she'd been giving me for weeks, ever since the accident. She was still holding that goddamn picture of Louis C.K.<br><br>''Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. And you know who will never be outstanding in his field? *stares at a picture of Louis C.K.* The boy whose dick is bigger than his career. Because you know what they say about guys with big dicks - they're always *outstanding in their field*.''<br><br>''Ellen, please.''<br>''Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. And you know who will never be outstanding in his field? *stares at a picture of Louis C.K.* The boy whose dick is