I've been a search and rescue diver for 15 years. I know what drowning feels like - and it’s not pain.

I routinely get asked about drowning after a particularly nasty recovery. It’s the same thing that makes people stare rubberneck at a car crash or viral video. It’s innately human to fixate on things like death. <br><br>To tell you the truth, I hate the question - but I get it. I’m sure it’s hard to imagine yourself in a diver’s position. You’re on a team. You’re putting yourself in danger. You’re often searching for a body or remains that will be used to bring closure to a family. And that's why i do it. <br><br>My name is Ted and I'm a search and rescue diver for the US Coast Guard. I was trained in EMT, scuba rescue, underwater navigation, and diving safety. Each dive is special. Sometimes you’re searching for a missing persons. Sometimes it’s a lost child. Sometimes you see wrecks. <br><br>I’ve seen people drown. I’ve saved people from drowning. I’ve recovered the bodies of those who have drowned. <br><br>I’ve been a search and rescue diver for 15 years, and I can tell you what drowning feels like - it’s not pain. It’s not fear or panic. It’s not even sadness. <br><br>Drowning feels like… acceptance.<br><br>It’s accepting that you won’t see your friends or family again. It’s accepting that you will never have the chance to experience life’s milestones. It’s accepting that, in the grand scheme of things, you are nothing but a tiny blip on the radar. Your existence is but a moment in the never ending passage of time. <br><br>Drowning is the moment when your body knows it’s lost the fight. Your brain is starved of oxygen and your muscles are depleted. Drowning is the moment your brain sends out its last signals to your body - to fight. <br><br>To struggle. To kick and thrash and flail your arms. To try and gasp for air, even if it means getting a lungful of water that will hurt even more. <br><br>It’s the moment when you realize - you are completely and utterly alone. No one is coming to save you. No deity has stepped in to help you. No miracle is happening. <br><br>You are alone, in the dark and the cold, and you are going to die. <br><br>It’s better this way. <br><br>Because once your brain gives up, your body will, too. Your muscles will slacken. Your body will begin to shut down. <br><br>It’s better this way. <br><br>And you know that. <br><br>Because the moment you give in, is the moment when you experience… acceptance.