I am a professional dog trainer and groomer, but I think I’m kind of a monster.

First off, this is a stupid job. I used to work in a kitchen, but ended up with a bunch of injuries and had to find something else. I’m not sure why I thought this would be any easier, but I’m stuck here now. I hate it so much. I’ve worked with dogs for years, and I used to love all the dumb little furballs. I took this job because I loved helping dogs behave better and feel better. I loved making dogs happy. I loved watching dogs grow into better companions for their owners. All the dogs I worked with were reshaped in my mind to be these saintly little creatures that were on the same side as me, and we were just trying to get through their shitty owners and upbringing. Every dog was a victim, and every owner was a perpetrator. I don’t know if that’s true, but I used to feel that way. <br><br>I used to love my job. <br><br>Now, I just can’t stand dogs. I don’t like to be near them. I don’t want to smell their shit. I don’t want to look at their stupid little faces and I don’t want to hear their incessant barking. I don’t like listening to them whine and I don’t like the stupid little dance they do when they want something. I hate dogs. But I still love them. I still love every single one of them. I’ll risk my own safety for them every time. I don’t care if they’re aggressive or scared or defensive. Even as I write this I want to cry because I still feel so much love and empathy for them. <br><br>I love dogs, but I hate them more. <br><br>If I could, I would quit. But I need this job. I don’t have any qualifications, skills, or education, and even if I did, I don’t think I can handle a traditional office job. I can barely handle this one. I need something with a small staff, a quiet workspace, and flexible hours. This is my only option, and if I don’t have a job, I won’t have a home. <br><br>Every dog I meet I see as a source of money and a way to keep a roof over my head. Every dog I meet has a price tag on it, and if they have a big problem, that price tag is much higher. I see a dog that growls and snaps and I’m so happy because it means I can charge more. I see a dog that is scared to death and I see a way to pay my bills. I see a dog that needs training and grooming and I see a way to eat. I’m a horrible person. I don’t even think I’m a person anymore. Every time I’m off work I drink until I pass out. I’m constantly hungover and tired and in pain and I feel empty all the time. <br><br>I used to be a good person. I had friends and family I loved and I was a good friend to my friends. Now I’m just a dog trainer.