AITA for refusing to pay for my niece’s wedding after her and her fiancé refused to let my “grouchy” husband come?

I (50m) have a sister with 2 daughters (27, 30). The older daughter (30) is getting married this summer. The younger daughter had her wedding in the community center, and wanted it small and low key. My older niece (let’s call her Olivia, fake name) has been the opposite. Her and her fiancé want to get married at their country club, and want a very fancy and big wedding. This is fine, because we only have 2 nieces, and my wife and I want to help pay for both in the same way.<br><br>I have to admit, I am not the life of the party. I work 12 hour shifts 6 days a week, and on the 7th day I usually like to just take it easy and rest. I can be a little grumpy, but I am never actually rude or anything. My wife and I talked about the upcoming wedding, and my how I do not want to go. I asked if maybe it would be okay if I paid my share but didn’t go to the wedding? My wife said that she would understand but our niece may not.<br><br>The following weekend my niece and her fiancé came over to our house to talk about money. We wanted to give the same amount to both daughters, $12,000. But my niece wanted more. She said she wanted $18,000. I could tell my wife was getting a little mad because my niece is getting a little too specific about what she wants, and pretty much has just turned it into a conversation about money. My wife said that $12,000 is what we were comfortable paying, and my niece said that is not enough and her and her fiancé “need more” to pay for a “nice” wedding.<br><br>I said we cannot afford that, and my niece said I’m being selfish and there could be no wedding without her “grandfather’s help”. I told her we will talk about it, and we would let her know later. The next day she called me at work and asked again if I could pay more. I told her no again, and that she needed to stop calling me. I said we will talk tonight.<br><br>The next evening my wife and I talked and decided $12,000 was generous and we were not going to give more. My niece called me that night and I told her that we will be sticking with $12,000 or we will give “our money” back. She said fine and hung up.<br><br>The next week my niece emailed me pictures of dresses she likes. I thought this was a little bit strange, but figured maybe she wanted us to see them in case we wanted to contribute more on the dress? I emailed back and asked if that was the case? She said no and that she was going to ask for more money. I said that we will not be giving more money.<br><br>Well, a couple days ago my wife and I get a call from our niece, and she tells us that she does not want my husband at the wedding. She said he is too “grouchy” and this is a celebration for her and does not want my husband to ruin it. I told her that if he cannot come then we will not give them “our money”. She said she does not care and would rather not have my husband there. So we told her we would call her tomorrow and confirm that “our money” is being kept at home.<br><br>I told my husband what happened, and he said he never wanted to go to begin with, and thought my niece and her fiancé were being rude to keep pushing my wife and I to give them money. My sister called me yesterday and asked what was happening with my niece’s money. I told her that since my husband cannot go to the wedding, we are no longer giving them money. My sister thought this was a bullshit reason to keep money from her daughter, but we think it was a very reasonable decision.<br><br>AITA?<br><br>UPDATE: I think this might be important: My niece does not need this money. She and her fiancé are both well off on their own. My wife and I are just trying to help in the way that we can. We do not want to just give our money away, we want it to go to our family.