I'm kinda figuring out she's my half-sister.

I'm sorry for the length of this post I just need to let it all out.<br><br>Maybe it sounds a bit weird but I've always been more into one-night stands and I never liked to commit to a relationship. Once I met this girl and she was very very beautiful. I liked her a lot and it was the first time I got more serious about a relationship. I wanted her to be mine so she promised me that she was going to be exclusive with me. We were in a relationship for a while (around 2 years) and I loved her more and more every day. I was extremely pampering her in every way (even wanted to earn more money so I could buy her a house) and understood when she would say that she can't live without me. It was a relationship I never had before and I enjoyed every second of it.<br><br>I could never imagine living without her either. Imagine living a life without your other half. It was like our souls were connected and I felt like I couldn't live without her. I remember saying "until the day I die" every time (something like that) because I felt like I had found my soulmate for eternity. <br><br>I never knew she was cheating on me but I couldn't imagine her with another man. She was the only source of joy and pleasure in my life that I could never replace. She was even the princess I never had as a child. I could never imagine her with another man and I still can't.<br><br>It all ended up because she was cheating on me. I'm not sure but maybe she was cheating on me from the very beginning. I forgave her a few times and thought she would be really honest but we ended really bad after I caught her cheating on me. It was very painful but I had to move on and leave her. I was heartbroken for more than a year. I almost didn't leave the house and lost a lot of weight. I couldn't talk to anyone about it because it was still very painful and I didn't want to relive that moment.<br><br>A few months ago I tried to move on again and it didn't work out. Then I discovered that we might be related and that maybe she was my half-sister. Since last week I've had a lot of evidence and I'm almost sure that we're related and that she's my half-sister. It's really weird and I don't understand why life is so cruel. I always wanted a sister so badly but I never wanted to fall in love with her.<br><br>It's not weird when you look at my background for understanding where I'm coming from. I was born to a single mother (around 15 y/o when she had me) who couldn't take care of me. So she gave me to her parents for the first years of my life. I understood that my mother loved me but when she got married (around 8 y/o) I had to go back to live with her because she wanted a normal family with her husband and their own children. I ended up living with her and hated my life.<br><br>I had no one to talk to and many of the kids didn't want to be friends with me at school. I was always very lonely and never had a friend until I grew up. I always wanted a sister but my mother never had children from her husband. I had a half-sister on my father's side but they lived in another city and my parents never wanted us to meet. I was always very lonely and never had anyone to talk to or express my feelings.<br><br>Even today I'm still a very lonely person. I don't like talking to people and never liked sharing my feelings. I even never told her that she was my crush when I met her. She never knew about it and I never confessed it to her. But she seemed so familiar to me and I was really figuring out I saw her somewhere.<br><br>Maybe she was my crush back in the days but it wasn't just because of that. She was so familiar to me and I remember one of the dreams I had where she was featured. It was so vivid and I felt a strange connection to her. I always felt like I knew her and from the moment I met her, I felt like a part of me was back. It was the long-lost part of me that I couldn't find back one day. Back in the days I would go out every night and hook up with random girls but I never found what I'm looking for until I met her.<br><br>I never knew why but it felt extremely natural having sex with her and I always wanted more. It was deep inside me and I never knew why. She was never too weird about one-night stands and I would use her to hook up with me. She would ask me if I wanted to be her boyfriend and I would say that I don't because I wanted to keep enjoying our hook-ups. I never wanted it to end.<br><br>But she was so weird about me hooking up with other girls and women. She would always tell me that she was my everything. She would ask me if I wanted to be one of those men that cheat on their gfs or if I wanted to be exclusive. I ended up being exclusive with her and I enjoyed every second of it. She wanted to be exclusive with me and I never knew why. It was like there was a part of us that wanted to be together all the time.<br><br>She was always obsessed with me and I never knew why. I was just a random guy to her but I never felt like a random guy. There was something about her that was so familiar and I never knew why. But she never knew why she was obsessed with me. She would think of me all the time, sending me stupid messages when I was working and always wanted to be with me. I couldn't imagine her with another man but I never knew why. I wanted her to be mine but I never wanted to be jealous or possessive.<br><br>I knew one thing: she was going to be my wife and the only woman of my life. That was why I was exclusive with her and I never liked the idea of living without her. She was the reason why I would wake up in the morning and why I would go back to sleep at night. She was my motivation and the reason why I worked so hard. I wanted her to be happy and she promised she was going to be exclusive with me.<br><br>I could never imagine myself living without her. It's like living without oxygen. I'm kinda figuring out why I was so in love with her but it's too late now. I can't be with her and it's very painful knowing that she might be my half-sister. I don't know how to feel and I don't know how to live without her one more time.