My friend gave birth to my late son's child and I want him back.

I'm a 42 year old mother of 3, of which my eldest died in an accident two years ago at the age of 19.<br><br>Being the amazing friend she is, my best friend since 8th grade offered to be the surrogate mother for our family as we wanted grandkids but our youngest was 15 at that point. She went through all the required screening, legal and medical procedures to become the surrogate. We used one of our son's sperm samples to create the child.<br><br>I obviously kept in close contact with her throughout the whole pregnancy, attended every appointment I could, and helped her raise money for the whole thing. She had a successful birth 4 months ago.<br><br>For a while, everything seemed perfect. She and her husband are amazing parents to the child and they keep me updated with pics and let me see him often. I thought it was all working out.<br><br>However, looking at him now, I can't help but feel that this should be my child. Seeing him with her and her husband hits me like a brick to the face every time. Every time I see him, I am reminded of what I lost. I feel like a part of me has been ripped away from me. My son is gone but his child is here in front of me and I am consumed with regret and resentful that he is not mine.<br><br>I know it is insane to think that. Logically, I know a child cannot be born to a dead person. Also, I don't even want a child anymore. Neither do my husband and I although our daughter might when she is older.<br><br>I feel like I am losing my mind. I don't even know what I want anymore. I just know that I cannot live like this. I want my son back, and the only piece of him remaining is his child. I feel like I am going insane.<br><br>What do I do? I don't know how much longer I can handle this. I am barely holding together right now.