I didn't know how to say no to my spouse. Twice. So my children have two different dads.

I was 16 when I met my husband, now 45. He had been locked up for 17 years, so it was over the phone. I was just supposed to be a penpal, I was trying to get into God and it was supposed to be a way to witness to prisoners. I don't know why I got picked, I wasn't even the girl who had originally written to him. But here I am.<br><br>I stayed with him, even when the rest wouldn't. And when he got out, he came to live with me. I was a virgin, and he didn't want to have sex until we were married, or at least that's what I thought. But once he was here we did, eventually. He was rough and my friends didn't like him, but I was so infatuated. We had hard times, and it was super stressful at first. But he had no where else to go and I didn't know how to get out of it. So I married him. I was barely 20. <br><br>I didn't want to have kids, but we did. I wanted him to have a vasectomy, but he wouldn't. So when I had our son, I got my tubes tied. I was so sick while I was pregnant but I stuck through it, and our son is 5 now. But my husband was cheating on me, and I didn't know. I was working a lot, and so tired. We were in a hard spot and didn't have daycare, so I was working while also caring for my son. And I believe my husband was getting bored and resentful. I found out he was sleeping with his cousin.<br><br>But I didn't leave him. I was so stupid, I didn't know how to. I didn't want to split up my son, and I was still infatuated with him. So I tried to move past it. I forgave him, and I tried to be more involved. But he was still cheating. I didn't know again, maybe I just didn't want to know. So I was surprised when I found out I was pregnant again. But he was home, all night with me. It didn't compute, because I just didn't think he was cheating anymore.<br><br>So I had our daughter, a year ago, and she's my entire world. I have a better job now, and I'm more confident. But I wasn't so stupid I didn't get a DNA test. And it came back my husband is not her father. I'm not sure who is, and looking back I can think of several people it could be. I didn't want to know, I was just happy to have her. But I tried so hard to get a divorce, I just didn't know how. <br><br>I was afraid of being alone, and of breaking my family. So I stayed. But slowly, things have been coming together. I've found ways to provide for myself, and I've been working on leaving. But my husband's family have been involved with us for our whole lives, and I just know they'll have a problem with me leaving him for being a bad husband, and they'll have a BIG problem if they find out my daughter isn't his. <br><br>I'm leaving anyway. I have a home, and a way to provide. I've been by myself for months, and I'm so much happier. But I don't know how to tell them. My husband knows, and he's being so calm and rational and that's just making it harder. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to do this, but I know I have to.