I cheated years ago and it haunts me everyday

I (38F) cheated on my husband (39M) 10 years ago because my life was unbearable. 4 years into our marriage, he started being abusive and I had lost nearly everything. Best friend, family, money, house, everything went away as if it never even existed. I was lost and so alone, he would tell me he didn’t love me and I believed him. One night he came home and told me he didn’t even know why he married me, I was so hurt but already over sensitive, he punched me and the shock of his admission that he didn’t love me made me feel like shit and I didn’t care anymore and that’s when I got with my affair partner. He made me feel alive again and it was only a couple of months of physical relationship but over a year of emotional relationship. I ended it when I moved an hour away for work and ended to cut ties with my ex affair partner. My husband and I got couples counseling and he claimed he didn’t cheat on me because he never cheated on me and I believed him because I was an idiot. Fast forward to 2 years ago, I found out my affair partner confessed his affair with me to my ex best friend. I’m still with my husband but my life feels like it’s empty and I’m just so ashamed that I ruined the idea of marriage for me. My husband told me he was considering divorcing me for someone he met at work. A part of me is ok with that but another part feels like I ruined every man’s idea of a relationship because I’m unlovable. I don’t even know if this post makes sense but I just want to say I’m sorry and I wish I could go back in time and hit myself so I would have learned my lesson and not ruined so many people.