My husband is cheating on me with my best friend and it has been going on for a year and a half. I want to leave but I have 2 kids.

Hello. I don’t even know where to begin. I just found out that the man I have given my entire life to, my best friend, and the father of my two beautiful children, is cheating on me with my best friend.<br><br>We have been married for 10 years, together for 15, and I don’t know who I have been living with. He has shown me nothing, and I’ve pushed away everyone and everything that has ever loved him.<br><br>It started out as jokes at first. Hangouts after work, smoking weed on the couch, watching movies, the 9 to 5. I met him through a mutual friend and he seemed perfect. Funny, kind, and he always knew how to make me feel better when I was having a bad day. And he still does. Every time.<br><br>He would joke about how he “just wants a normal relationship” with his girlfriend of 3 years. How he didn’t want the “soulmate” stuff. And I believed him. I encouraged him and everything. I would pick up sticks that other people had thrown away and wave them away.<br><br>And he still never loved me. He still never showed me that he even cared. <br><br>Our “friendship” started right after the breakup. Just “let’s just be friends, I’ll get you out of my head”. We would text for hours at a time every day, I knew everything about him, and he knew everything about me. I felt like I had finally found my person. I thought I had finally gotten over the heartbreak. And he told me I was beautiful every day, that he loved me and would always be there for me.<br><br>But he never was. He would only show me off to his guys, like a trophy on the mantle, something to be looked at and talked about every once in a while. He would invite his girlfriend over and make me stay at a hotel when all 3 of us were together. He would tell me to stay downstairs, or leave, or go somewhere else.<br><br>And I believed him. I let it happen for a year and a half. And it still happens. They think I don’t know, but I do.<br><br>I’m so heartbroken. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I don’t know how to get through this. I’m torn up inside because I want to leave, because I want to keep my kids away from this miserable excuse for a man, but I also want to protect them, keep them happy, give them everything they have always had.<br><br>I’m so confused. I don’t know what to do. I am so lost.<br><br>If I leave, what will happen to my kids? I know that he will still love them, and they will always have a father who loves them no matter what. I also know that I will never be able to trust again, that I will always have this miserable feeling inside of me that I am living a lie.<br><br>I’m so fucking tired, body and soul. I feel so alone, even when he is right next to me. I don’t know if I will ever feel whole again. I feel empty inside and unable to function. I don’t want to live like this anymore.<br><br>I’m tired of feeling hurt. I’m tired of feeling angry. I’m tired of feeling miserable every day. I’m tired of living this life where I feel like I am nothing, where I feel like I’m just a waste of space, a burden to everyone else.