I(36F) tried to give birth naturally, ended up needing an emergency C-S. It almost KILLED me. I would not wish this on anyone and I am going to risk sounding like a shitty, ungrateful mom in saying I would have slept on the decision more.

When I was told I was going to be a mom for the first time I was almost too excited to function. I had a very healthy pregnancy, considering I have PCOD. I had already read more than one book on parenting and I knew how I wanted to do it. <br><br>So when the moment came, I repeated in my head "I can do this. I can do this". I started to feel pain that I've never felt before. I was told to go to the hospital and was given some pain killers. I don't remember much, but I do remember asking if I could have some more pain killers and I was given some more pills. I remember my water breaking and the pain became excruciating. I asked for some more and my mom, dad and husband didn't know what to do. So they finally took me to the hospital. I don't remember much. All I remember was asking for an epidural. I was dilated to 7 cm at that point so I was refused. I was told I needed to wait for it to go to 8. I was screaming in pain and asking for some more pain killers. The ob-gyn asked me to go for a routine check. I remember feeling like I needed to push, but I was almost forced to get on the table and got a few different ob-gyn nurses around me holding my legs apart and one pushing on my stomach. I was screaming in pain, blood started to come out at that point. I remember hearing ob-gyn nurses talking to each other. I don't remember much. It was like my eyes turned upside down and I lost consciousness. I remember waking up, seeing my parents and telling them that I was ok, and asking them to tell my husband that our baby was born healthy. I was told that I had a very rare condition that my baby was positioned on a wrong spot and perforated my bladder. The ob-gyn nurses were pushing on the wrong spot and they were basically pushing against the baby and perforating my bladder even more. It was so bad I almost bled out. I had to get a blood transfusion. I had to spend 9 days in the hospital. When I came home, I got a call from the ob-gyn nurse asking me if I wanted more painkillers, antibiotics and if I needed some different medication for my heartburn( which is caused by the epidural). I was also given the same medication as the one I had before going to the hospital, which worked for 15 minutes. It feels like my vagina is being ripped and my bladder is tearing. I was given some pain medication but it doesn't seem to work. At this point I am crying and I don't know what to do. My baby is not even 2 weeks old and I am going crazy. I am going back to the hospital tomorrow but I just don't know if I can ever give birth again. It feels like my body is being stretched to the point where it's tearing apart. I feel like I am going crazy. My husband is trying to be supportive but I can see that he is at a loss of what to do. I am so tired I can barely stand and at the same time I can barely sleep. I was given some other pain killers and I can barely feel the pain now, but I feel guilty for taking it. I keep replaying that moment and keep thinking how the ob-gyn nurses didn't even ask me about my condition or my allergies. I am going to risk sounding like a shitty, ungrateful mom in saying I am going to ask the doctor if I can get my tubes tied soon. I am still recovering from the C-S and almost bleeding out but I don't know if I can ever go through that again. My mom is telling me to not say that at this time and my husband is telling me to not make any rash decisions. I would have never slept on this decision if I had any idea it would be so painful and almost fatal. I am just tired and almost crying as I am writing this. Sorry if this is too long. Thank you for reading this.