I want to die sober. Give me something to do. Help.

I’m 16, will be 17 in a few months. I have suffered from depression and anxiety for some time. I have tried two times to kill myself. I have a strong desire to die. I don’t really know why. I have always wanted to die. It’s not even about being happy or sad, it’s like a deep rooted thing. I need help. I want to try everything before I end my life. I have been sober my entire life. I don’t know if I can sober date, could I get high and still sober date? Any advice, anything, I need it, and I need it bad. I have been sober dating for a few months, I have tried to kill myself two times, the second time I was admitted to a mental institution for four months.