My husband's mouth statement have left me with severe PTSD and I'm trying to leave him. But he won up saying " you left me, I don't want to lose our son"

Throwing away almost 8 years of relationship. <br><br>I have severe PTSD because of things my husband said when I was heavily under the influence of drugs. I don't even remember what happened sometimes. I only know when I woke up the next morning. With bruises, sore, dirty, stinky, hungry, confused, scared and humiliated. <br><br>He would do different drugs with his friends and I would get so scared. I would take drugs too just to feel numb. Sometimes I would black out and the next morning I would wake up humiliated. He would say things to me that he doesn't remember saying. <br><br>For 7.5 years I felt safe enough to stay. But it's been 3 weeks that I've decided to leave him. I've been gathering my strength, my power, my confidence. I have talked to lawyers and therapists and I have gathered my strength. <br><br>But today when I told him I want a divorce. He got so angry, he was screaming at the top of his lungs and he said " you left me, I don't want to lose our son" <br><br>I lost it. I have never felt so humiliated. I lost my power, I lost my confidence. I want to run and hide. I want to disappear. <br><br>I want to leave him and take our son with me. I want to be with my parents but I'm 28 and I don't want to live with my parents. I don't have money and I have no one here to support me. I am scared and I am so weak. <br><br>What do I do now?