I had a one-night stand 8 years ago. I have a daughter. She’s my whole world.

I come here often for random random random thoughts.<br><br>I had a one night stand when I was in college. Nobody knows this about me. It was a drunken one night stand, with zero contact afterwards. He came over, we did our thing, and he left the next day before morning. I never found out his last name, despite him asking for mine. I never left him my number.<br><br>A few months later I found out I was pregnant. It wasn’t until I was 6 months pregnant that I realized the only way my daughter could have been conceived was from that night. I considered aborting, but never did. I was a student, and finances were tight, but I still chose to keep her.<br><br>She is now 8 years old. Her whole life I have lied to her, and myself, about her father. I made up a story about how he passed away. I know it’s a lie, and I feel guilty every time I say it. I have been open with her about sex, and I explained to her when she was old enough that she was born from it. I have never changed who she is or made her feel like she was a “baby”. Her father does not exist to her, and she knows nothing but the story I made up.<br><br>The reason I never came clean to anyone is that her father went off to serve in the military. He was a young kid, from a small town. I don’t know what happened to lead him down that path, but he is serving in the Middle East. I don’t even know if he is dead or alive. I don’t even know his first and last name.<br><br>I have thought about reaching out to his friends from college. I have never done it. I don’t even know where to begin. I have no social media. I have no way of contacting him. I have accepted that she will never meet him if he is alive.<br><br>I have never told anyone about this. Not even my immediate family. They know my daughter’s story about her father only through what she has told them. Her grandparent’s know nothing. Only she and I know the truth, and as far as she knows the only place her father ever was, was his funeral.