On the 4 year anniversary of my ex getting me clean, here’s my story and why I want to stay forever off

I was a heroin addict for about 8 years. That’s literally half of my life. I was 16 when I first decided to shoot up. I had done it before but not via IV. I made some great friends back then and we would do everything together, and that included drugs. I was only a few years older than 15, and started smoking weed, doing ecstasy, and snorting heroin. I never thought there would be anything wrong with it, as long as I enjoyed what I was doing. I didn’t want to say no to anything. But I always thought heroin was the one I wanted the most. I wanted to come home from school and do heroin all day. I would save money to buy it and do it alone.<br><br>I started smoking and doing heroin from the age of 16 and didn’t stop. The only times I would stop was if I didn’t have money and could go sober while I had to wait and get my next bag, but it would always call my name and I would want it more the longer I waited to get some.<br><br>I went to rehab in 2017 for three months. I then relapsed after 22 days. I wanted to get off it so much, I knew I had a problem and I wanted to stop, but in rehab, I didn’t really want to because I was there to humour my friends and family, I didn’t really want to be there. I wanted to keep doing it but my family was worried and threatened me to go to rehab. That’s the only reason I was there. I met the most fantastic people there that I still keep in touch with and love to this day. I was so scared to talk to anyone, I didn’t allow myself to talk to them because I knew how much I wanted to go back to using. I was literally plotting my relapse the whole time. I knew I didn’t have anything to take care of, I didn’t have any kids or a job or anything, so I didn’t feel bad if I relapsed. I felt such a relief when I relapsed that I didn’t have to stop using. But when I didn’t have money, I didn’t get sick at all. I would pretend I was and lie to the people around me. They knew how bad I wanted it so I used it as an excuse to go out and try and get money to buy it.<br><br>I only knew of heroin for a long time and didn’t know what else I could do. I didn’t want to do other drugs, I just wanted to do heroin. I then became an IV addict and I was very scared at first, but I did it every day. I never stopped doing heroin and never wanted to. I would always think about it, even when I had just gotten it. I would always go to the same place and do it by myself. I wanted it to be just for me and no one else. I would want it more if someone else was around me doing it. I wanted to do it by myself, with no one else around.<br><br>I started working at age 20. That was in 2018. I saved up money to switch to methadone, but I kept using and taking methadone at the same time. Methadone is only supposed to be taken once a day, but I would take a bit more and then go out and buy a bag of heroin and do it. I would still feel sick but wouldn’t care. I would feel sick very bad but didn’t care. I wanted it so much, I would do literally anything to get it. I would do risky things and put myself in danger, which I now know was really bad. I thought it was normal and didn’t think there was anything wrong with it. I only cared about doing heroin and didn’t really care about anything else. I didn’t care if I had a job or not, as long as I still had heroin.<br><br>I got fired in 2020 from my job. I don’t really know why, I think it was because I had an attitude problem. I didn’t really care about my job and didn’t really want to be there. I wanted to go home and do heroin all day. I was so relieved when I got fired, I cried. I got money back and went out to buy a bunch of heroin so I could do it for a long time. That’s all I cared about. I didn’t really care about anything else.<br><br>I met a fantastic guy. He was so nice and loving and he cared about me. He took my hand and said if I wanted to stop doing drugs he would help me. He said he wanted to be with me and didn’t care about my past and didn’t think I was a bad person for doing drugs. I felt sorry for him because he was the best person I had ever met and I didn’t think I deserved him. He told me he would help me stop doing drugs and I knew how much I wanted to stop. I wanted to be honest about it and I needed someone to talk to. He never judged me, he just listened and wanted to help me. He took care of me and helped me. He stayed with me and didn’t want to go anywhere even if it meant having to put up with all the shit I gave him. <br><br>I stopped doing heroin about 4 years ago. He helped me and he made it so I didn’t feel scared to talk to him. I got switch onto Suboxone and didn’t want to stop it. He talked to me every day and stayed with me. He looked at me and said he was there for me and would always be there to look after me.<br><br>I don’t want to go back to using. I feel scared talking to people about it because they might judge me. I will never do heroin again. It nearly destroyed my life and I don’t want to be a slave again.<br><br>I don’t know how many of you are addicted to heroin or how many of you are clean. I just want to say I know how hard it is and that I don’t blame you. Drugs are not a moral failing and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. I just want to say I’m forever grateful for my friends and family who got me clean. I’m forever grateful for my ex.<br><br>Thank you guys for reading my story and I hope it can help you if you’re in the same situation. I’m sorry for the long post and I understand if you don’t read it all. I just wanted to say my story to you all and why I wanted to stay forever off.<br><br>[This was a throwaway account I made. My ex boyfriend made me this Reddit account. I’ll be deleting it soon].<br><br>Edit: well.. wow! I didn’t expect it to get this much attention! I didn’t even have any karma before this, it’s the first post I’ve made. Thank you so much everyone for all the support and love. I’m really glad I’ve been able to help people! You are all amazing!