I cheated years ago and it haunts me everyday.

I (38F) cheated on my husband (39M) 10 years ago and I can’t let it go. It haunts me everyday.<br><br>My husband and I have been married for 12 years. We had always had a great marriage until I cheated 10 years ago. It was an idiotic thing to do and as soon as I did it, I regretted it. I was young, stupid and thought I could get away with it. But I got caught, I was forgiven, but I could never get it out of my head and heart. I never told anyone, not my husband, not my family, not my friends. Only now, after 10 years I told the people closest to me.<br><br>I had always been a morphine addict throughout my life. I was clean for 10 years, but one day I gave in to my temptation and started taking it again. One night I was high and I went on one of those dating apps. I matched someone, and we had some text conversations. He asked me out on a date, I accepted. That day, I went to his place and we had sex. That was my only cheating incident.<br><br>My husband had no idea what was going on, I had always picked the car up and dropped the car back home, he never suspected anything. But 4 months after my cheating incident, I got arrested for heroin possession. My husband had no idea, I thought I was going to lose him, I thought he was gonna leave me, but he was there for me. He took care of me, he stood by me, I don’t know how he did it. He moved us to a new house, he got rid of the old one, he took everything I owned to the thrift store and burned it. I understand, but that hurt me. Maybe it was for the better, I don’t know. I never told him, he still doesn’t know.<br><br>It haunts me everyday. I wake up at night, imagine my cheating incident and I can’t sleep. I feel like shit. I feel like I destroyed my marriage. My husband knows my secrets, he might leave me any day now. Sometimes I think I could tell him now, but I don’t want to ruin what we have.<br><br>I’m so sorry for this long post, I guess this is the best place to vent.