AITA for not sending my daughter to "improve her life" because I don't want her to feel like a project?

I "baby-trapped" my ex in the sense that I knew he didn't want kids, but I wanted one and didn't tell him that before we started dating. We broke up when our daughter was 2 months old. Now she is 7 and he's married with 2 sons. Our co-parenting has gone fairly smoothly up until now.<br><br>Last weekend, I got a call from his wife. She said that she was calling me to see if she could arrange for my daughter to come visit them for a few days with their boys. I said it wasn't a good idea and explained that my daughter has never been away from me overnight and it would be hard on her. She said "It's good for her to get out of her comfort zone." I agreed but said she was too young. His wife then went into all the ways that she thought my daughter would be better off living with them because, in her words: "I can offer her a better life than you can." I asked her what she was talking about and she told me, "No father, a small apartment, and no money, you can't give her an adequate childhood. With us, she would have brothers, a big house, a mother and a father, and everything she needs."<br><br>I told her that the way she was talking was offensive on several levels but she didn't seem to get what I meant. I told her to tell her husband to call me and he called and asked me the same as his wife had. I told him their offer wasn't sincere and that they were trying to "improve" my daughter's life, and that I wasn't having her treated like a project.<br><br>&#x200B;<br><br>My ex argued with me and said that I was keeping him from his daughter but I said that I was keeping him from my daughter. He told me that his wife was just trying to be nice but I said she'd made it very clear that she thought my daughter was a charity case. "Well look at where she's living. You barely make enough to get by. I didn't want to say anything because you're doing the best you can, but I think it would be good if she spent some time with us once in a while."<br><br>I told him that I wasn't going to let him undermine me like that and if he didn't stop I would get a lawyer. He started raising his voice, telling me that I couldn't keep him from his daughter and that I was being selfish and keeping him from his daughter for no reason at all. I told him I wasn't going to let him bully me and that I was going to hang up. I said that if his wife was sincere that she'd call me and talk to me without him instead of having him call and yell at me and I hung up.<br><br>&#x200B;<br><br>My daughter is doing fine. She's happy and healthy. My son is happy and healthy too. But now that my ex and his wife have said all these things, I feel like the worst mother in the world. It's making me feel terrible that I can't give them some of the things they'd have if they lived with their father instead of me. I feel like an asshole for not letting them go there, like I'm ruining them by keeping them from what they "deserve" but I don't want them treated like charity cases or "projects" that need help that only their father can give.<br><br>&#x200B;<br><br>&#x200B;<br><br>Edit: I didn't say I "baby-trapped" their father "as revenge". Read that part again and you'll see why I did it. My ex and I agreed on lots of things, including what we wanted for our lives, what we valued, what we thought about kids, etc. The one thing we didn't agree on was kids. I agreed not to have kids with him, then I changed my mind because I still wanted a baby. Between the time that I changed my mind and the time that I got pregnant, my ex and I had already broken up, and he had already started dating someone else. When I told him I was pregnant, he didn't want to believe that it was his and he didn't want to be a father. So we broke up for good.<br><br>And for people who are saying that it's not fair to keep his daughter from her brothers and grandparents, she has seen them plenty, she's never met her grandparents, she hasn't lived with her father since she was 6 weeks old, and she has other cousins and aunts and uncles. I'm not keeping her from her family. I didn't keep her from them this one time. She's never even seen her grandparents before.<br><br>And for people who are blaming me for not telling him I was pregnant immediately, that's not true. I didn't realize I was pregnant until I was almost 4 months along. Between that time and when I told him, I was going through all the testing and confirmation that it was safe and that I was actually going to have the baby. And I was also getting my own stuff together, but "baby-trap" doesn't traditionally mean "trap the man with a surprise baby" it means "trap a man in a relationship with a baby". I didn't mean to imply that I was out to get him or confuse people on that.