The most difficult time of my life has also been the best.

I'm 24 years old and my son is 4 (with autism) and daughter is 2.<br><br>Three years ago I was depressed and angry about a lot of things that hadn't gone my way in life. I was moody, a bit overweight, and not doing well in school. I drank often and was generally pretty unwell physically and mentally. I was always tired, binge ate all the time, and struggled to find joy in anything. I was pretty sure I was going to end up a failure in life.<br><br>I started going for walks a lot and discovered I could lose weight if I just controlled my appetite a little and get off my ass, moving more. I had a lot of time to think and decided I was going to turn my life around. I cut back on drinking and started running a bit, improving my diet, and getting more sunshine.<br><br>It worked. I started to feel better physically and mentally. Getting healthier helped with the depression. I found out I was pregnant a few months later and the best part about my baby was the fact that I was able to watch them grow. Watching their tiny body do something new every day was addicting and excited me like nothing else. It just feels so amazing to watch a person unfold into themselves! <br><br>My son was born and I was completely in love with him and still am. What a beautiful little human. I started reading a lot about child mental health, education, different parenting styles, and parenting books. I got really interested in the Montessori way of parenting and just really started doing research on all things child-related. I learned a lot.<br><br>But then when he was a little over a year old, he started showing signs of a developmental delay and (eventually) we found out he has autism. He didn't really talk or understand verbal language and wasn't making friends the way other kids were. It was the most heart wrenching thing I'd ever heard. I knew (and was right) that this would change our lives forever. I cried thinking about all the things he might never get to do or experience, and just the things that would be hard for him. I wanted so badly to help him but how? I had to start over emotionally, grieve the loss of the future I envisioned for him, and accept reality. It took a lot of time but I learned to cherish the uniqueness of the way he experienced the world and the things he could do that were special.<br><br>I decided to stay home with him and provided him with a lot of different ways to learn.<br><br>I'm upset by how much I judged mothers of children with disabilities before this. I wanted so badly to go to my younger self and tell her to get off her high horse. Having a child with autism does not make me a martyr. I was ready to admit to myself now that having a child with a disability was amazingly beautiful in its own way and I was so grateful to be this way. This taught me to appreciate the unique beauty in everyone, not just children with disabilities.<br><br>I had my daughter almost a year ago. She is the most social and bubbly kid I've ever seen! She's got such a strong (and easily irritated) personality but she's so lovable and brings so much joy into my life every day. When she smiles and laughs, she makes me feel like I'm the most important person in the world. Watching her interact with her big brother is so special. They are best friends and are always playing together. I love seeing them bond.<br><br>I'm sad sometimes that I had to drop out of college and I don't have a career yet, but I get to spend every waking moment with my beautiful children. They are constantly teaching me about life and how to be a better person. I had to stop working at my office job because my son needed someone to care for him. Now I get to be there for my kids their whole lives and watch them grow up. I get to see the world through their eyes. I'm so grateful for the bond I have with them. Being a mother is a truly special thing and I'm grateful to have the opportunity to be one.<br><br>As much as this has been the hardest three years of my life, it's been the best. I was given the uniquely beautiful gift of my children and I get to be there for them their whole lives (and hopefully beyond that).