The candidate I had to interview for this week was my high school bully.

I work for a fairly large company in the tech industry. I've worked there for about 5 years now and I have a pretty decent responsibility. I lead a small team of 4 people and have recruited quite a few candidates over the years. I've usually had a pretty good track record for making good hires, but this week I interviewed the man who was my high school bully.<br><br>Not like a bully, who pulled my Chair or tossed my lunch around. Not even one who consistently hit me or tormented me. This man made life unbearable for me. He would make it seem like we were friends and then would do something petty and cruel to me almost every day of high school. He would flirt with my girlfriend, tell me the most as of the fact kind of "information" he had gathered about me, him and his friend would fuck with my car, etc. The most notable memory of him from high school was him waiting for me in the center of the school yard each day. He would just stand there on his phone, watching me as I tried to walk past him to get to my locker or class. I never felt safe, I always felt like I was running from him and had to constantly look over my shoulder. He was maybe 3 doors down from me in class so avoiding him was impossible. I would ask him to please just leave me alone and he would stare at me like I had asked him to eat dog shit. He never attacked me or fought me so there was nothing really the school could do, but I was always terrified of him. His presence would send my anxiety through the roof. <br><br>I haven't seen or heard of this man since high school. I figured he had probably arrested by now, or was dead. I didn't think I'd ever see him again. <br><br>The day of the interview came around. I had been screening his resume for about a week and felt like it was probably worth taking a chance and giving him a shot. He showed up to the interview and as soon as he walked in, 3 doors down from where I was sitting, something hit me. It was like my body instantly went numb and I could hardly breathe. It was like the high pressure that built between us all those years had just ratcheted up and I couldn't breathe. I stood up and we shook hands. I told me his name was John and this was his first interview in 5 years. He had been away for prison drug charges and was now looking to get his life together.<br><br>The interview went as expected for the first few minutes. I had almost erased the memory of him from my mind and it was obvious he had from me. He made a joke that instantly made me remember exactly who this guy was. He made a joke that I was so nerdy that I had to have been rubbed on a banana peel to get into college. It wasn't funny. It wasn't witty. It wasn't clever. It wasn't playful. It wasn't lighthearted. It wasn't joking. It was everything I had dug up inside myself to get past him all those years ago. I just went dead. I didn't laugh or smile. I just looked at him and could almost see the surprise in his eyes that I hadn't laughed.<br><br>I basically ran the interview after that. I got him through it and he seemed excited. I just had to get out of there as fast as I could. I left the interview feeling so weird. I felt like I needed a shower. I felt like I needed to go touch a tree. I just felt gross. I had forgotten about it over the rest of the day and into the night. It wasn't until I had gotten into work the next day and saw him in the conference room with two other managers that my memory came flooding back.<br><br>We went to run through some mock interviews and the same thing happened. He started telling some story about this guy he went to high school with who was so nerdy he had to be rubbed on a banana peel to get into college. The other interviewers laughed. I went dead. No one else recognized him. No one else saw them selves back in high school. I felt so sick watching them laugh at something that meant absolutely nothing to them, but everything to me.<br><br>I got out of the mock interview and walked to the stairway to take a breath before heading back in. I started to feel like I was having some kind of breakdown. I felt like I was going crazy. I felt like I had just gotten hit in the chest. I had to get out of there. I felt so violated. I couldn't focus the rest of the day. I kept seeing him stand in the center of the school yard. I kept seeing the smiles on all of the bullies faces. I felt so violated. I felt so sick. I couldn't focus. All I could do was think of all the ways I would have loved to have gotten me back on him in high school.<br><br>I finally got out of work and into my car and just sat and hyperventilated for almost 10 minutes. My wife called me and I couldn't even talk to her about it. I just told her I had an interview go badly and got out of the car.<br><br>I basically have just been in a funk thinking about high school and this guy since then. I feel violated and sick every time I think of him. I feel like I have to keep interacting with him and it just makes me feel sick. I keep having flash backs to how bad high school was and how it affected me and my mental health. I just keep feeling violated and angry and lost. I don't even know what to do. I just know I can't do it. I just can't.