I'm so depressed to the point where I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm dealing with a lot of emotional pain. It started when I committed suicide in front of my mother for not getting a F during a french language test in 9th grade 4 years ago. I was already depressed. I saw a french tutor, then I committed suicide by hanging, drowning, and then burning myself in a fire. I died for 2 and a half hours and still had a pulse. I tried to kill myself again in 2020 and then in 2021. I'm trying to recover, but the pain is unbearable. I just want to feel better already.