I cheated years ago and it haunts me everyday.

I (38F) cheated on my husband (39M) 10 years ago and I can’t let it go. It haunts me everyday.<br><br>My husband and I have been married for 12 years. We had a beautiful courtship, we married quickly after dating only a few moths. I thought we would be married for a few years and one day separate, but never speak badly about each other. But that didn’t happen, nor did we separate, from the beginning he was my entire world.<br><br>I was 24 years old when I cheated on him, 28 when he found out, and now I am 34. The guilt and shame I carry with me is the absolute worst part of my day, everyday.<br><br>I had always been a sub and he was my dom. I met him at a club, and I was playing sub submission game. He was the man folding $5 bills and placing them on my breasts. I had 15. After 45 min he asked me out on a date. The first date was dinner and a movie, then two more dates, then married.<br><br>I was a virgin at the time I met him. I had never been with anyone before him. He was my first everything. It was wonderful. I thought we would have a lovely life together.<br><br>Then one day, a friend of mine, who had been drinking a lot, confessed to me that I was bi and that I had the opportunity to “experience” with a woman while we were on a trip. I was curious, I was young and stupid, and I said yes. It lasted 90 days. As soon as I touched his genitals, I felt instant regret and guilt. I still love him very much and I can’t imagine being with anyone else. I asked my husband for an open marriage, he agreed to open the discussion but he never wanted to be with anyone else, and neither did I.<br><br>It took 3 months for him to find out. My friend told him. He tried to understand, but I think it’s fair to say that he was not happy.<br><br>10 years have passed since then. I have a beautiful daughter. And everyday I wake up, I cry, I ask for forgiveness, I apologize. I cannot escape the guilt.