I used to sell heroin to doctors and public officials in my small town and one day it took me to a very dark place

I used to be an addict in a small town in the midwest. <br><br>I was 22, and I was living with a woman who was a little older than me. She was a flight attendant and used to travel often. So one day when she was away on a trip, I accidentally got a bag of heroin mixed in with my dope. I thought it was just a really strong piece of dope but when I took it, I started to get sick and found out I was really high after and had a little too much fun (if you know what I mean). <br><br>After that, I was hooked on heroin. I was living pretty good for a while using it occasionally but not too much, but when I started using everyday, my life went down in flames. <br><br>The woman I was living with found out and told me to leave and not come back. I couldn’t work anymore because I was living in a small town and when you started working a job, everyone seemed to know if you were a junkie. So I started selling dope and heroin to make ends meet. <br><br>I was living in a crack house with some people I met at a shelter. A couple of people I sold to were doctors, lawyers, and public officials. I never had to go out to find a fix. The fixes always seemed to come to me. <br><br>I would wake up in the morning and walk to the local liquor store. On the way, I would buy a nod from an addict I knew who sold dope. I would always have some money to buy a nod and some food to buy for the day. He would sell me a little heroin mixed with something that was strong enough to get me high for a while. <br><br>I would take that and head to the liquor store. When I was in the liquor store, I would always ask the owner if I could use the restroom. He knew I was going to take some dope in there but he didn’t care. He would just let me use the restroom for free as long as I bought a little something with my ebt card. <br><br>I would take the nod and come down in a few hours. A couple of people I knew were my ride or die customers. They would always come to me and say, “Hey, this must have been a bad batch”. <br><br>They would say this so much that I started to think that my dope was shit. I would always tell them, “I may have gotten a bad batch, but I will get a new batch from my dealer tomorrow to sell and I’ll give you a new hit for free and you’ll see how strong it really is”. <br><br>My “ride or die” customers were an argument with an ex girlfriend, a broken pipe, and a ebt card. <br><br>My “ride or die” customers were the ones that would always get me my morning nod. They were the ones that would always get me my next hit. They were the reason I kept doing dope everyday. My “ride or die” customers are the reason I can’t stop doing dope. <br><br>I thought about just laying off the dope every once in a while, but my “ride or die” customers would come along and say, “I ain’t gonna fuck with you no more because you got me sick with your dope and I almost died. I’m just getting out of jail and I’m gonna make sure I get you high as fuck. You ain’t gonna get it anywhere else. Make up your mind, either you gonna take this little nod and be my friend again or I’m gonna kick your teeth in and I ain’t gonna give you nothing”. <br><br>It had been a few days and I had just gotten out of jail. I was very sick and needed to get out of there. I knew there was a place for addicts that was ran by the local church. I walked there and they said they would let me in but the police had to take me because I didn’t have any id or anything. <br><br>The police took me and said they would give me a ride to the place but they didn’t want me to walk because it was in the woods and there were too many bears. <br><br>They took me there and a few days later, I got out. I walked to the local liquor store and went to the restroom. I called my one “ride or die” customer and he came through. <br><br>I told him, “I just got out of jail and I’m thinking of doing a little bit. Just a little bit to get me through the day. I got money and I’ll be fine tomorrow. I can get a new batch of dope from my dealer and I’ll be fine”. <br><br>He said, “Nah, man. I’m gonna get you something good and strong. You haven’t had any heroin in a few days. You ain’t gonna wanna do a little bit. I’m gonna give you a good hit and you’re gonna go ahead and fuck up again and end up in jail again. You don’t understand how strong this shit is. Just take this little bit and you’ll forget all about your troubles”. <br><br>I took the hit and he was right. He was so right that I ended up in a coma. I would stop breathing and they would have to give me narcan. <br><br>I remember waking up one night in the hospital and hearing a nurse ask me, “Yo, are you ok? Do you feel anything?”. I said, “Yeah, I feel fine”. She said, “Don’t worry, you’re not gonna get charged with anything. Just relax and sleep”. She told me she was a pain pill addict too. <br><br>I got comfortable and relaxed. <br><br>The next morning, I woke up and felt nothing but pain. It felt like my body was on fire and I couldn’t move. I had to get up and use the restroom anyway. The pain was so bad and I had to have something. <br><br>I didn’t know what to do. I was in so much pain and I knew I didn’t have anything. I remember laying in the hospital bed and hearing people talking outside my room in the hallway. I would hear them say, “He’s a heroin addict. He’s gonna have a horrible time with withdrawals”. <br><br>I remember feeling like I had to get out of there. I remember feeling and thinking, “I don’t care if I die. Just please give me something or get me out of here”. I remember thinking, “I’m gonna get some dope and I don’t care if I die. I’m just gonna go and get some something and I don’t care if I die from it”. <br><br>I remember laying in the hospital, sick as fuck, and thinking about the “ride or die” customers I used to have. I thought about the doctor who used to give me money for some junk. I thought about the lawyer who would give me money and a ride home in exchange for some junk. <br><br>I thought about the public official who would give me money in exchange for some junk. I knew they were still out there and I knew I could go to them and get some junk. <br><br>I was thinking so much about getting out and getting some junk that I paid my deductible and walked right out of the hospital and went straight to my ride or die customers. <br><br>They were the ones who took me to the liquor store. <br><br>They were the ones who took me to the crack house. <br><br>They were the ones who took me to the darkest place I had ever been.