I have nothing left

I live in Ukraine. I am 21 years old. My whole life I have dreamed of writing, creating a fantasy world in which I could escape from this cruel reality. All my life I was preparing for this. But now I have nothing left. My passion, my enthusiasm and my dreams are gone. Where I come from, people are dying. I am lost, and I have done nothing in my life so far.<br><br>But when I am alone, I sit in my room in silence, and a spark of flame flares up in me. I don't even know if I still have the strength in me to continue doing what I love. I am confused and afraid of everything. I just want to escape, but my head is screaming at me, telling me that I am a coward who is leaving people to die. But I don't know what to do. I don't know if I can still write stories like I used to. It feels wrong. I just want to have a reason to keep going.<br><br>I just want to have a reason to continue doing what I love. Does anyone know what I'm going through? How can I move forward? Or am I just a coward?<br><br>Edit: Wow, thank you all so much for your support and love. I didn't expect that. I just wanted to talk to someone about my feelings. I am grateful that this community has been a safe space for me to speak up. My heart is still heavy and my mind is clouded. But I will continue doing what I love. Thank you all for your beautiful, encouraging comments and warm words. You are right, I can't give up now. You have all inspired me to move forward. And I will. ❤️ <br><br>Also, for those of you who are wondering where I am from, I am from Mariupol, Ukraine.