The lesser known abilities of Santa and his gang.

This Christmas Eve, after I had sent my son off to bed, I decided to stay up and try my hand at catching Santa Claus. Our apartment was perfectly set up for the ambush as the windows reached the floor and looked out on an alley. To be truthful, I wasn't actually hoping to catch him, more of a glimpse would have been nice. However, I was beginning to let thoughts of downright proof seep into my mind. I wished I had a camera so I could compare the blurred photos of bigfoot with photos of Santa. I wondered if he left footprints in snow and why the reindeer never seemed to shit. How would the poop of reindeer look? Would Santa smell like a sewer or like a chimney? I had so many questions that night as I imagined the possibilities for the first time. In the days leading up to Christmas I had managed to brainwash myself. I was now certain Santa was real. I had also talked myself into believing that if I were to just witness the moment, without asking questions, that he would allow me to keep my sanity. Little did I know that Santa and his elves are not the jolly old men we have been taught to view them as. I had been waiting a few hours watching out the window for a glimpse of anything. The night was clear with no snow in the forecast for several days, so I had all but given up as I looked out at the bright stars. That was when I saw the flash. A reindeer and sleigh were coming straight for me at incredible speed. I stumbled over my camp chair as I tried my best to get back. The next thing I knew, I was in the sleigh. --- "You should not have followed me," Santa said sternly. "No, I didn't. I was just waiting and watching out my window," I said. "Bullshit. You have been watching me for weeks," he said. "You can read minds?" I asked. "I can do lots of things. Now you're going to have to come with me," he said. The reindeer quickly had us in the air and I was too awestruck to ask any questions. Before long, we were flying over the ocean. I looked at my phone to check the time, but it was dead. Out of habit, I pulled out my lighter to look at the clock that was on the bottom, but it too was dead. It was then that I realized I had not felt cold at all since getting into the sleigh. I had been out on the fire escape in nothing but my t-shirt and sweatpants. I looked around the sleigh at the things I had not noticed yet. That was when I saw it, a small box with an antenna. It was about the size of a lunchbox. "What's that?" I asked. "That's a time freezer." "A what?" "A time freezer. We strap it to the sleigh and it keeps us out of sight and allows us to deliver all the presents in one night." "How?" I asked. "It freezes time while we're in there." "No, your reindeer are moving right now and time outside is still moving," I said. "Then it bends time. Bends it to the point that our time moves faster than the rest of the world." "I see," I said. "Do you? I doubt it. Just be quiet and keep your hands and feet in the sleigh at all times." "I thought you could read minds," I said. "I can, but I don't always. Now just be quiet." I decided to take his advice and looked out at the ocean. We flew for another twenty minutes before I saw land and then a large forest. In the middle of the forest there was a clearing and in the middle of that was one of the most incredible sights I had ever seen. "Is that clausenboug city?" I asked. "It is," Santa said gruffly. "It's so beautiful," I said. "You think so now. You will not feel that way after spending the rest of your days here," he said. I looked at him in horror as the sleigh touched down on a landing pad outside the city. We walked in silence through the winding streets of the city that looked like it was made of crystal. We stopped at a building that looked like a church. "Who lives here?" I asked. "The elves," he answered. "You will have to live amongst them." "But why?" "You will see." He opened the door and we stepped inside. The room was filled with elves. They were each roughly four feet tall, all wearing red and green outfits. They scurried about the room as Santa clapped his hands. The room fell silent. Santa walked up to a large fireplace that was burning brightly and turned to face the room. "On this merry Christmas night, we have brought a gift. A man from the outside world that wishes to know our secrets." The room erupted with the scurrying and clattering of the elves. Santa held out his hand and the room was once again silent. "This is not a gift. He is not the chosen one. He is an outsider. What shall we do with him?" One of the elves stepped forward. "I think he should be given the tour of the facility. Perhaps a show of our power will change his mind and he will never want to go back outside." "I think that's wise," Santa said. The elf stepped forward. "My name is Blinky," he said. "I will be your guide." This is where I started to get upset. "You're the boy from the island aren't you?" I asked. "I am," he said. "It's not what you think." "I think it's exactly what I think. The boy with the lazy eye from the island has grown up and become an elf," I said. "I just wanted to be an elf. Things had to be done to make me one," he said. I took a deep breath and tried my best to keep my composure. "Can we just see the power now?" I asked. "Yes. Of course. Follow me," Blinky said as he scurried off. We followed him across the city, passing many wondrous sights along the way. That was when I saw her. "Merry Christmas, I'm Mary Malcolm and these are the reindeer." "You can talk," I said. "I can," she said. "I'm a lot more than just a pretty face." "You are," I said. "You are beautiful." "Stop right there," Santa said. "She is not for you." "I know," I said. "Good. She is special. The most special of all the reindeer. She holds a special power." "I'm sure she does," I said. "She alone holds the power to enter the realm of the dead. And you little man, are soon to be in need of her services." "I don't understand," I said. "You will," he said. We followed Blinky across the city. We passed the reindeer stables, the present factory, and all sorts of things before we stopped at a large metal door. "I have never seen this before," I said. "What is it?" I asked. "This is the room of Malcolm," Blinky answered. "Why is it called that?" I asked. "It is where we keep the Malcolm's head," Blinky said. "Why," I asked. "You will see," he said. Blinky placed his hand on the reader next to the door and it opened. Inside the room we found a large tank filled with liquid. A man's head floated inside. "Why?" I asked. "He went against the claus," Blinky said. "I am the chosen one," said the head. "I have the power of flight." "I have the power of flight. I am the chosen one," said another head in the tank. "I am the chosen one," said a third. "I am the chosen one. I have magical powers." "I am the chosen one." "I am the chosen one." "I am the chosen one." "I--" "Stop! You are not the chosen one. None of you are. I am the chosen one," said a voice from the back of the room. "I am the chosen one. I have magical powers," said a head in the tank. "No! I am the chosen one," said the voice at the back of the room. "I am the chosen one. I am the chosen one. I am the chosen one," said the heads. "I am the chosen one," said the voice as a young man walked out of the shadows. "Hi there," I said. "My name is Christopher. I am the chosen one," he said. "I am the chosen one. I am the chosen one," said the heads in the tank. "I am the chosen one," said Christopher. "I am the chosen one," said the heads. "I am the chosen one. I am the chosen one," said Christopher. "I am the chosen one. I am the chosen one. I am the chosen one," said the heads. "I am the chosen one," said Christopher. "I am your chosen one," said a soft voice. "I am the chosen one," said Christopher. "I am your chosen one. I am the chosen one," said the voice. "I am the chosen one," said Christopher. "I am the chosen one. I am the chosen one. I am the chosen one," said the voice. "I am the chosen one," said Christopher. "I am the chosen

The lesser known abilities of Santa and his gang.

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